TRUTH: There was a point in my recovery where I went through extreme bouts of binging.
I was fully weight restored & it scared the heck out of me.
So, I slipped up & started restricting all over again.
I’d find excuses for why I didn’t need to have breaky, why I wasn’t hungry for lunch or why I’d forgotten to have dinner. But all those excuses caught up to me.
I was slowly but surely getting my body back to where I worked so hard to recover from & it lashed out at me.
I binged & binged & binged, sometimes on healthy food & sometimes, an entire bag of popcorn in one sitting.
After the binge, I felt physically & emotionally sick & disgusted with myself.
But it was always too late & impossible to go back in time, so I woke up the next day & I tried again: restrict for as long as I could & bam…
3pm: binge & again
It was a vicious cycle. One I created & one only I had the power to get myself out of.
Overtime, I realized I was mistreating my body & risking throwing my hard work at recovery in the trash.
The restrictive behaviours weren’t serving me: Binging made me feel horrible, I gained tons of weight & felt uncomfortable in my body, my metabolism & digestion went haywire, energy levels were never sustained & I was teaching my body not to trust me all over again.
I eventually learned that if I just let myself LISTEN to my body, instead of my ED voices & to feed it when it asked for fuel, my life could change & the binge-restrict cycle would no longer dominate me.
And that’s exactly what happened – I stopped restricting & the binging stopped. I stopped eating just to eat & I educated myself about what I was nourishing my body with so I could understand & monitor the way I felt.
I learned to eat intuitively & I found food freedom. Food no longer controls me. I control what I put into my body & I do it mindfully with nobody & nothing telling me what’s right, or wrong or what I can or can’t eat. This, IMO, is the definition of REAL recovery & if I did it, you can too.