“You may not see it today, tomorrow or in a month but you’ll look back in a few years & be absolutely perplexed & awed by how every little thing added up & brought you somewhere wonderful or where you always wanted to be”.
You’ll be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you once wanted & that you let go of the life you planned to accept the one waiting for you.
You’ll realize that just because something didn’t work out how you planned, it doesn’t mean it didn’t work out for the best.
Blessings are often disguised as pain first.
Lately, I’ve felt sad over the way some of the things in my life turned out.
I won’t lie, this weekend, I felt so much pain over it, I cried.
These feelings of sadness make me question my worth.
Is it my fault?
Where did I go wrong?
Why couldn’t things just work out how I wanted?
Why did I get sick?
Why couldn’t I be stronger than the disorder?
Why couldn’t I control my anxiety?
Truth is, I don’t know how to answer those questions & I don’t know if I need to. I’m working hard to overcome the feelings of sadness & instead, to shift my perspective & accept that things didn’t work out the way I planned because they weren’t meant to.
I had to go through pain to develop mental strength I NEVER had & realize that my struggles develop my strength.
The experiences, events, losses & sickness don’t define me. They happened & it hurt like hell.
But you know what? They’re a part of why I’m here today.
I may not have the answers to everything. I may not yet understand why I had to lose those I loved most & why an ED almost took my life & IT’S OKAY.
I don’t need all the answers right now. I don’t need all the control. I don’t need it because I gained something more valuable: the knowledge that I have the power over my mind & it truly does believe EVERY word I tell it.
So here I am, being vulnerable & telling you that if you cry over the lack of control & the way your life is panning out, I do too. You’re not alone. We’re all human & we all need to work a little harder to speak more kindly to ourselves.