The most difficult thing about ANY mental illness is that recovery is ENTIRELY up to YOU.
It’s not like waking up one day & having an epiphany that you aren’t happy in a relationship & ending it in hopes to find someone better; it’s not like getting an ear infection & taking antibiotics to make it go away.
No magic fix, bandaid or medication can make it go away; mental illness is deeply rooted in underlying causes personal to YOU.
Until YOU’RE ready to uncover & face YOUR demons, it doesn’t get better.
Even though you can’t see it, it’s there. Constantly. You wake up with it, it consumes you all day & even disturbs your sleep; it becomes everything to you, your whole life & you become enslaved to it.
TO FREE YOURSELF FROM IT, YOU HAVE TO DECIDE THAT YOU WANT TO GET BETTER.
Although I knew I was sick, it took me MONTHS to realize I wasn’t ready to let my mental illness kill me & only then was I able to fight.
I fought to silence my ED’s constant voice in my head that motivated me to starve my body until I withered away.
I overcame food fears.
I sought therapy to understand the underlying reasons for my ED & I worked through them.
I fought to find ways to cope with my anxiety & made it through every attack.
I learned to change my mindset.
I learned to love my body, even its imperfections.
I fought so hard, even when it seemed like everything was working against me & my world was falling apart; those days, I fought even harder.
I fought THIS hard because I believed recovery was possible & worth it & more importantly, that I was worth it. I didn’t deserve to live a lifeless life. I fought because I woke up everyday as the girl on the left FOR 2 YEARS & I hated everything about who I’d become & what I was doing to myself.
Choosing recovery for yourself doesn’t mean you need to go through it alone; it just means the initial decision & every achievement that ensues, IS YOUR DOING. You’ll need support & if you do, ask for it.
But the initial will has to come from YOU.
Find your why & chase it.
It can be as simple as YOU deserving to smile & meaning it.