One of the most beautiful things about recovery is my freedom of movement. Freedom of movement is a gift we’re all blessed with at birth, but one that can be taken away from us in as little as a split second.
For me, it took a little longer, but slowly, as my anorexia spiralled out of control, my freedom of movement went with it.
My anorexia made me so weak I took medical leave from work because getting there was too difficult – taking the stairs at the train station with a briefcase full of laptops, files + books felt like a strenuous workout & had me panting.
I was so physically exhausted I’d contemplate + calculate the numbers of times I’d have to go up and down the stairs to do daily chores, like laundry or cooking.
Too much activity meant heart palpitations + it scared the living daylights out of me so instead of being active, I confined myself but that also means I missed out on life, family, friends + events.
My treatment team ordered I stop doing regular daily things like going to the grocery store because my life became about keeping as much calories in as possible + not expending too much energy.
I was so fragile that daily activity meant I subjected myself to fractures & my bones were so weak I got diagnosed with osteopenia.
At the young age of 26, I became almost bed ridden because of my eating disorder. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. These are just some of the scary realities of anorexia. These are the things you can’t see but that we struggle with EVERY DAY.
Today, I’m so grateful for my body’s ability to move to do day to day tasks, let alone exercise & that I was able to reclaim this freedom so many of us take for granted because we don’t know what it feels like to lose it.
Recovery made me realize how important it is to be thankful for some of the most simple things in life, let alone for life itself.
If you’re struggling, I want you to know you’re not alone & that whatever your illness took away from you (friends, family, love relationships, movement, energy, emotion), YOU CAN & YOU WILL GET IT BACK. It’s a battle that’s SO worth fighting.