One of the many things my anorexia took away from me is my FEMININITY.
Real talk: We talk about how eating disorders rob s of our love for life & our desire to nourish & take care of our body.
We talk about how they make us anxious, irritable & mentally & physically unstable.
We also talk about how we neglect every other aspect of our lives to stay faithful to the disorder & how it turns us into people we don’t recognize.
We talk about how they make us depressed & force us into a state of isolation.
But we HARDLY ever talk about how they rob us of all the beautiful things that make us unique as women because it’s “taboo”, but guess what.. it’s such a strong reality.
My eating disorder convinced me that I wasn’t a wife, daughter, sister, friend, girl or woman; it convinced me that all I was, was my illness & that’s what I learned to believe & practice.
My anorexia took away my curves & left my body skeletal & shapeless.
For 2 years, I wore sweatsuits 3 sizes too big in hopes that I’d successfully conceal my body. Quite frankly, seeing myself in anything else scared the living daylights out of me, not to mention how my loved ones felt.
My anorexia made me lose all desire to dress up because I didn’t think I was pretty or worthy enough. Every time I put on a delicate top, I couldn’t bear the sight of my bony frame. This was so hard for me because I used to love putting together cute outfits I felt confident in.
My anorexia made me so insecure that it decreased my libido, my desire to invest in my relationships & friendships & triggered anxiety every time someone got close enough to my body to feel my protruding bones.
These are just some of the beautiful things my ED took away & made me forget how to do.
Today, a few years later, I’m proud to say I’m living proof that it’s NEVER too late to get them back.
When I look in the mirror & I see a curvy & mentally + physically strong woman, I embrace it. I no longer try to conceal it. I worked hard to get here & I continue to do that everyday.
I regained my love for life, my desire to invest my energy in relationships & to put myself out there. It’s been a tough road & I continue to face slips & falls, there’s no denying or sugar coating that.
Being a woman is hard work, but it’s also a beautiful opportunity to be vulnerable, authentic, independent, strong, resilient & unafraid.