I read a post by Lee From America (a health & wellness influencer from the USA) that resonated with me & hit close to home.
As she opened up about her addictive personality, I felt I was reading a personal anecdote.
Although our addictive behaviours aren’t the same, she said it so well: “It was never about the actual thing I was addicted to that was the problem, but the fact that I was numbing & trying to escape myself for so long”.
There’s no denying I’m a person of extremes with a very addictive personality. Whenever I feel passionate, challenged or fall in love with someone or something makes me feel good, I make it my everything; all my life, I did that, whether it was with school, studying, work, relationships, my eating disorder & healing, to name a few.
For years, I’ve been trying to FIX myself so I could heal this “negative” aspect of who I am.
But truth is, there’s nothing inherently wrong or bad about this side of me. We all have sides that are harder to understand. But this side of me is just a PART of who I am & doesn’t define me as a whole or take away from my worth or value.
Imagine I looked at these 3 photos & picked & chose the days I loved & embraced who I am in 1, but not all 3… nonsense, right?
I don’t have to fix myself; I have to accept that my addictive personality will always walk through life with me, but it won’t be my WHOLE LIFE. I learned that using addictive behaviours as coping mechanisms for repressing & internalizing emotions isn’t healthy.
Instead of addiction, I accept.
I welcome all the emotions I spent years repressing & FEEL & LIVE THEM. It isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.
Our bodies & minds can only hold onto so much & I finally not only KNOW that but I ACCEPT that.
On days where I feel sad, frustrated or angry, instead of using food (or lack thereof) as a way to gain control over my emotions by starving my body, I face them, feel, come to terms with & move past them.
Does this mean my addictive personality vanished? No & it doesn’t have to. It’s a part of me but not all of me.
In a world that teaches us to hate the sides of us that aren’t “perfect”, do the opposite. Love & embrace every part of YOU.