Real talk: I won’t lie, I hesitated before posting these pics. I judged myself one time too many.
I questioned how I looked.
I criticized my body because it doesn’t look the same after a full day of food in my belly.
I wondered if people would judge me the same way I was judging myself.
These are all REAL thoughts that raced through my mind in the decision-making process about whether or not I would post two stupid photos. Crazy, right?
Why am I admitting this to you? Why am I making a fool of myself & showing you that I’m vulnerable? Aren’t I supposed to be the strong girl who recovered from her eating disorder? Sure. I may be strong, but I’m not ALWAYS strong. I want you to know that if you have similar thoughts, if you judge yourself, if you’re hard on yourself, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
We all do it & we all struggle. I’m so much more mentally strong than I used to be but I’m not perfect. I have bad days & I have a hard time accepting my body sometimes too. I still fight everyday to settle for progress, not perfection. But it’s so freaking hard.
The logical part of my mind knows that these thoughts are my eating disorder’s way of messing with my mind. Reality is, my body is NOT going to look the same every second of every day.
There are so many things that have an impact on our body & our weight, some of which are beyond our control. Yet we still fight to control it all.
Weight fluctuations happen due to water retention, hormones, food, how adequately our digestive system is functioning, liver health, sleep, mental health & exercise.
Appearance isn’t everything & no matter how much I know that & preach it, sometimes I’m harder on myself then I should be.
So what’s my point? I still posted the photos because although I don’t love the way I look, these pictures tell a much more real & vulnerable story. They’re a reflection of my state of mind in this moment: skeptical about the way I look, but ready to admit it instead of hiding it.
If you’re feeling vulnerable today, please know, I’m right there with you & you’re stronger than you know. You can fight it.