May 4… The Hardest Day Of The Year.

May 4… The Hardest Day Of The Year.

When I was younger, people always used to say that life is unfair. Truth be told, I didn’t really understand what they meant. I was a young girl with the best parents in the world, best friends for siblings & life was fun & carefree.

Many years later, on May 4, 2013, I finally understood.

Today is always the worst day of the year for me because it marks the day my life & world changed forever. I lost my mom, my best friend, the woman who always got mistaken for being my older sister & the one person I could pour my heart out to without fear of judgment. No matter what, she always knew how to make me feel better, help me believe in myself & put a smile on my face. You can imagine that losing her seemed like the most unfair thing in the world & that’s when it hit me that what I’d been told as a kid had meaning; I just hadn’t learned it yet.

They say that time heals & that it gets easier. Although time passes, it truly doesn’t get much easier. Life without you is still the biggest challenge I ever had to face. There are so many milestones I would’ve loved for you to be here for. So many obstacles I went through where I needed you by my side. So many things I wish I could’ve told you. But I can’t. And I don’t think it’ll ever get easier.

There isn’t one day that goes by where I don’t think of you, where I don’t wish I could pick up the phone to call or text you to share something with you. There isn’t one day that goes by where I don’t look at my finger & think of one of the million beautiful memories we shared.

I find comfort in knowing that our relationship was so strong & so close that I probably learned more from you than I could’ve ever dreamed of in the first 20-some years of my life. Every decision I make, I ask myself what you would do & suddenly, things are clearer.

Mom, I miss you like hell. You’re still my ray of sunshine & you always will be.

The day you left, I lost my world and with that, my world changed.

Everywhere I go, I carry you with me. I wear you on my finger. Daddy gave me this ring at my wedding & I never took it off. It will forever be my most prized possession.

I wish you were here, yesterday, today & tomorrow.

I love you. 

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1 thought on “May 4… The Hardest Day Of The Year.”

  • I understand exactly how u feel and its the worst feeling in the world knowing that there is nothing you can do, you just gotta accept it and every so often you wake up and think it was just a dream but reality is that she is not there . I also lost my mom on january 20th 2015 and therr isnt a day where i dont think about her. But she would be proud i am sure. Keep doing what you love and making youself a better person than what you were yeaterday and believe me she is watching. Thats the only way i can think of how to make her proud of the woman i have become and will be because of her.

    Keep you head up and take care of your father i know thats one big task

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