When I was younger, people always used to say that life is unfair. Truth be told, I didn’t really understand what they meant. I was a young girl with the best parents in the world, best friends for siblings & life was fun & carefree.
Many years later, on May 4, 2013, I finally understood.
Today is always the worst day of the year for me because it marks the day my life & world changed forever. I lost my mom, my best friend, the woman who always got mistaken for being my older sister & the one person I could pour my heart out to without fear of judgment. No matter what, she always knew how to make me feel better, help me believe in myself & put a smile on my face. You can imagine that losing her seemed like the most unfair thing in the world & that’s when it hit me that what I’d been told as a kid had meaning; I just hadn’t learned it yet.
They say that time heals & that it gets easier. Although time passes, it truly doesn’t get much easier. Life without you is still the biggest challenge I ever had to face. There are so many milestones I would’ve loved for you to be here for. So many obstacles I went through where I needed you by my side. So many things I wish I could’ve told you. But I can’t. And I don’t think it’ll ever get easier.
There isn’t one day that goes by where I don’t think of you, where I don’t wish I could pick up the phone to call or text you to share something with you. There isn’t one day that goes by where I don’t look at my finger & think of one of the million beautiful memories we shared.
I find comfort in knowing that our relationship was so strong & so close that I probably learned more from you than I could’ve ever dreamed of in the first 20-some years of my life. Every decision I make, I ask myself what you would do & suddenly, things are clearer.
Mom, I miss you like hell. You’re still my ray of sunshine & you always will be.
The day you left, I lost my world and with that, my world changed.
Everywhere I go, I carry you with me. I wear you on my finger. Daddy gave me this ring at my wedding & I never took it off. It will forever be my most prized possession.
I wish you were here, yesterday, today & tomorrow.
I love you.