The biggest challenge in recovery is that you don’t just choose recovery & that’s it.
It’s not a one-time thing.
It’s not a huge decision that you struggle to make once & that you never have to contemplate again.
You have to keep choosing recovery over & over again.
Sometimes, you have to make that choice a few times a day, sometimes a few times in an hour & guess what? YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EVEN WHEN YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO.
People with eating disorders are, by nature, very perfectionist, motivated & committed individuals. I can speak for myself & say that when I have a purpose or a short-term goal, I set my mind to it & do everything to attain it, even if it entails hard work & effort.
The ironic thing is that my commitment to recovery is one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
I won’t lie, it came as a shock & a huge reality check when I realized that recovery wasn’t going to be as easy as ticking off another decision from my checklist & never having to look back on it again.
It was difficult for me to understand why I felt I was losing the motivational aspect of my personality & why on some days, I felt like caving & falling victim to ED was a more sound alternative.
Today, I have a much better understanding of why recovery is the hardest commitment I ever made. It’s because my eating disorder taught me that recovery means I give up control & that giving up control is bad.
Recovery is about fighting those teachings but also about UNLEARNING THEM & STOPPING TO HONOUR THEM.
True recovery can only be attained when you stop equating it with weakness, vulnerability, failure, negativity & losing control & you begin to equate it with strength, resilience, success, positivity, hard work, HONOURING & REGAINING CONTROL OVER YOUR MIND, BODY, SOUL & HEALTH.