There’s a difference between thoughts & actions.
Thoughts are ideas or opinions produced by thinking or occurring suddenly in the mind. They can be real or unreal, depending on what you make of them & how you choose to react to them. Their truth or their falsity depends on YOU.
Eating disorders, the behaviours & obsessions surrounding them are the by-product of thoughts.
The difference between someone who suffers from an eating disorder & someone who doesn’t is that ED victims lose the ability to control the way they respond or react to thoughts. We hear thoughts & our ED immediately makes us believe they’re real & forces us to respond to them.
Sometimes, our responses are irrational or illogical.
Other times, we know they’re harmful to our well-being, but we can’t help it.
A big part of recovery is about finding ways to regain control of our thoughts & respond to them in ways conducive to improving our well-being. And I won’t lie, it’s FREAKING HARD.
There were days in recovery I woke up overthinking, where the only thoughts running through my head were: “I’m gaining weight too quickly”, “I’m going to become overweight”, “I should probably restrict today”, “I feel like a whale”, “I need my scale for security” or “I’m being unfaithful to my eating disorder”.
Those days were the hardest because I had to fight headstrong with my ED & ACTIVELY CHOOSE not to respond to them.
I had to CHOOSE not to let those thoughts impede or hinder the progress I had made.
I had to CHOOSE not to believe the falsities my ED was fuelling me with.
I had to FIGHT with ED to see the irrationality of the thoughts & refrain from acting in irrational ways in response to them.
And you know what?
Truth is, I’m still fighting until today.
Recovery isn’t linear. It has no finish line. It’s a constant battle, but I promise, IT GETS EASIER.
The thoughts still surface but I know how to fight them.
Most days, I’m able to push myself to be rational.
Some days, I’m not.
Like all things in life, recovery is a rollercoaster.
But one thing I know for certain is I’ve overcome my fear & hopped on & there’s no way I’m getting off.