I have a really strong tendency to try to control the things I have no power over. It’s something I struggle with for as long as I can remember & it’s also something I’ve been consciously trying to work on.
I’ve been trying to shift my mindset from constantly worrying about having control over absolutely everything to taking the time to examine the things I actually have control over, for example: I can’t control how someone behaves but I can control how I react to their behaviour. I can’t prevent a negative thought, trigger or my eating disorder’s voice from striking when I least expect it, but I can be proactive in preparing for it & teaching myself how to cope when it happens.
The biggest shift in perspective has been the understanding that sometimes, all I can control is my effort & attitude. Those are the things I’ve been working to invest my energy in, as opposed to putting it towards worrying, questioning & trying to take things that are beyond my realm of control into my own hands.
As much as I want to be able to influence how often a trigger happens or how many times my eating disorder tries to creep up on me, I can’t always force things to go my way & that’s okay.
Yes, I won’t lie. I’m afraid of triggers.
Yes, I won’t lie. Sometimes, I doubt my ability to cope with them.
But those fears & doubts do nothing for me but bring me down. Instead of convincing myself I’ll fail or be unable to cope when disaster strikes, I’m working on acknowledging that I’m stronger than I think & that I can handle the worst case scenario.
MY MOTTO: MAKE IT HAPPEN OR DEAL WITH IT.
When I find myself thinking about something I have no control over, instead of praying it doesn’t happen, I tell myself that if it does, I’ll be able to handle & accept it if I must. These mantras keep me mentally strong & stable, fight my self doubt & help me focus my energy on things that are in my hands: my thoughts, behaviour, attitude, perspective & reactions.
CONTROL is a very difficult thing to grasp & as human beings, we are innately drawn to trying to gain as much of it as we can.
But sometimes, having little or no control is okay & sometimes, it’s even a beautiful thing because it teaches us how MENTALLY STRONG we are.