KITK Words of Wisdom Valentine’s Edition: My Journey Towards Self-Love a.k.a. Why I’m Totally Okay With Spending V-Day SOLO!
This year, I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day solo & you know what? I’m not mad at it!
2018 was probably the wildest rollercoaster of my life. I suffered & recovered from anorexia. I went through a divorce. I discovered new passions & pursued them. I fell many times but I got back up.
Most importantly, 2018 is the year I dedicated to building & fostering a sense of SELF-LOVE I never had. It’s the year where I realized that learning to love & take care of myself & my health isn’t selfish (contrary to what I always thought), but rather it’s a necessary step in order to be fully able to give of myself wholeheartedly to anything or anyone.
Self-love is something I neglected for SO MANY YEARS of my life, whether it was in school, work, relationships or family life. I always had a tendency to put everything & everyone else before my own personal needs. I strived to look & seem perfect, to keep it all together, but nobody knew what was going on inside of me.
I spent my life questioning why events had to happen to me; it got to a point where I felt like one trauma ended & another happened, which fuelled a sense of self-doubt, self-hate & self-neglect. No matter how hard I tried, I failed to love myself because I felt ashamed & guilty for all that I had been through. It got so bad that I reached a point where I felt I deserved them & went through them because I had to & because I was destined for failure.
This year, I SHIFTED MY PERSPECTIVE.
I realized that I went through what I did because I had to, BUT FOR A POSITIVE REASON. I realized that there truly is no purpose in doing things for others or striving for success in all areas of my life if I’m not happy with myself & if I don’t first LOVE myself, feel confident & comfortable in my own skin.
I worked on myself all year long to get to where I am today: to rebuild my confidence, to grow out of my life of self-neglect, to find my self-love, to see & know the value in taking care of, respecting, honouring & loving my body & to understand that a failed relationship & being alone doesn’t mean I failed, or that I’m an inadequate partner or wife.
Being alone means I get to work on myself & grow into the woman I’m meant to become, the woman who will one day be so happy & in tune with herself that she’ll be able to give of herself so hard to the one she loves & to apply & invest herself in all her passions more than she ever has.
So if you’re alone this v-day, embrace it, whatever that reason may be: a relationship mishap, no relationship at all, a break-up. Let go of the idea that being in a relationship makes you successful & being alone make you inadequate or a failure. The glass is half full, not half empty.
If you’re alone, it’s for a reason – things are supposed to be this way. You don’t have to fit in, you don’t have to fall within a norm, standard or mould. You don’t have to be on a date tonight or be showered with roses, gifts & chocolate. YOU CAN SHOWER YOURSELF WITH LOVE & MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY.
Tonight, do something that makes you feel good: order sushi & wine, spin your heart out, get together with your girls, take a bath, do a face mask, buy yourself chocolate, go shopping, read a book… BE & DO YOU!
As cliché as it sounds, everything truly does happen for a reason & all good things have their time. In retrospect, I now know that my relationship ended in order to open the door to my new beginning, to me working on myself, growing, learning & focusing on harnessing a self-love that I neglected for far too long.
Truth be told, I don’t know if I ever would’ve grown this way or worked on this aspect of my life if it weren’t for my divorce. Find comfort in knowing that if you are alone, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is what’s best for you IN THIS MOMENT. Instead of getting down on yourself, work on yourself.
Your time is coming. I promise.