“One of the hardest things about healing from my eating disorder was learning that I was worth recovery.”
One of the many terrible things an eating disorder does is make you feel like you are worthless, worthless of a well-fed body & worthless of feeling happy, loved, confident & strong.
Real talk: There were days where I contemplated whether I was worth the extra spinach leaves, four or five extra cherry tomatoes, a second apple in one day, extra blueberries on my yogurt & even the glass of water before bed.
The worst part about feeling that way was that I let myself fall into this trap where self-worth became an unknown concept.
Eating disorders are so powerful that they have the ability to transform a person who was once all about self-love into a self-loathing, insecure, isolated & miserably sad human being. It’s a vicious cycle. Your eating disorder teaches you to hate yourself, which means you end up fuelling your mind with negative self-talk & you begin to be & radiate that negativity in all that you do.
I want you to know that YOU. ARE. MORE. THAN. WHAT. YOUR. EATING. DISORDER. TELLS. YOU.
Your ED is not your identity. It won’t be there for you or believe in you when nobody else will. You can’t count on your ED, no matter how much it tells you that you can.
Your ED is a self-fulfilling prophecy, that only you have the power to crack. More importantly, before you can acknowledge that only you possess that power, YOU MUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are worth every moment from here on out that’s committed to you getting your health & life back & to pursuing recovery. Don’t let your eating disorder tell you otherwise.
I’m almost a year into recovery & she still tries to reel me back in. There are days where I slip. When I can’t hold on to recovery for myself, I hold onto it for those who fought for me, believed in me, cared for & didn’t give up on me, those who followed me on my journey when I felt I couldn’t carry myself.
If your ED is telling you that your life needs & merits to be lived like this, please know that A HALF-LIFE IS NOT A LIFE. Don’t give up.
Full recovery is based on how hard you’re willing to fight back, EVEN ON YOUR DARKEST DAYS. On those days, YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO BE THERE & SHOW UP FOR RECOVERY.
Don’t expect perfection in recovery, but know that you are WORTH EVERY SECOND OF IT, every smile, every bite of food, every person you meet, every moment you feel proud & accomplished.
You have the courage, support & capacity to pick yourself up & win.
You’re worthy of a FULL LIFE.