The past few days, I’ve been struggling a bit more than usual with body image. It happens to the best of us, right?
But to be honest, knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. When the negativity kicks in, I almost feel like I’m having to find the strength to fight my eating disorder all over again.
Only this time around, things are different.
While nothing changes the fact that I still have to push myself to fight the thoughts my eating disorder is trying to fuel me with, today, I can say with pride that I have the will & strength to fight them.
A year or 6 months ago, those same thoughts are what ignited the fire & allowed my anorexia to progress to my downward spiral & eventually, to my terribly & very scary rock bottom.
As scary as it seems, the will to be everything anorexia wanted me to be was stronger than my will to survive.
Today, my will to continue surviving is stronger than a couple double takes in a mirror or a curvier body.
I’m living proof that recovery is an ongoing process, fight & yes, sometimes, an ongoing challenge & struggle. But more importantly, I’m also living proof that true recovery really is possible so long as you promise yourself to never give up on HEALING & to never give up on YOURSELF.
When the going gets tough, you’ll want to do just that because giving in or giving up is always easier than resisting temptation & fighting, right? I know. Nobody said it was going to be easy. But I also believe that nothing worth having comes easy.
And trust me, your life after recovery is worth more than you know, more than you can imagine. Strive for it.
Live the bad body image days because they are part of your striving & encompass your fight. Don’t run or hide from them. Don’t pretend they don’t exist. But don’t let them let you lose sight of the bigger picture: there is life post-recovery & there’s so much more to it than your appearance.
So tonight, I speak to myself & preach these exact words because sometimes, I need them more than ever.