Do you ever catch yourself questioning why you had to live certain life experiences? Why your life couldn’t just be one smooth path? Why there had to be not one, but one too many bumps in the road? I feel you. I’ve been at war with my mind many times.
I fought with myself to try to understand why I “deserved” to go through some of life’s toughest experiences.
I questioned & dwelled.
I was angry, sad & hurt.
I felt hopeless, worthless & retreated to myself. I hibernated.
Until one day I realized I hit a roadblock. I discovered that all the wondering, dwelling, questioning & “what ifs” served no purpose because truly, there was no answer & no way for me to understand why I lived through what I did.
And, you know what? Even if I could understand, it wouldn’t do me much good. The experiences & struggles would’ve happened anyway.
That was my turning point. It was in that moment that I realized that to continue growing, I had to accept & embrace what life had handed me (even though it was most certainly not a bag of fresh beautiful yellow lemons!).
I still don’t know why my mom had to leave us at such a young age. I still don’t know or understand why she got sick. I still don’t know why she had to suffer so bad.
I still don’t know why my life spiralled out of control & I suffered from an illness that almost took my life. I still don’t know why I couldn’t choose recovery sooner. I still don’t know why I let an illness, numbers, measurements, scales, weights, sizes, define me.
I still don’t know why I ended up in a marriage that ultimately wouldn’t work out. I still don’t know why I couldn’t have known earlier in my life that we weren’t meant to be. I still don’t know why he never gave me closure. I still don’t know why he didn’t want to give me a second chance to prove myself as a wife, without my illness.
I still don’t have answers to those questions, but I don’t need them.
Sure, the answers might give me closure.
But at the end of the day, closure or not, my body & mind lived those experiences.
Life is about what I take from the experiences, not about why they happened.
Life happens. Every single second of every single day.
There’s no way to stop or to control it. So what’s the use in trying?
Instead, reflect on every experience & ask yourself:
- what you retained & gained from it;
- how it helped you grow;
- how it shaped or changed you;
- what it taught you about yourself or those around you.
Those lessons are more powerful & valuable than the mere understanding of WHY it happened.
Life is what you make it. You can choose to live every negative experience & let it burn, break or kill you. Or you can choose to rise above it, BURN, BREAK & KILL IT.
Negative experiences are only as powerful as you allow them to be. You have the power to channel your strength, embrace your resilience, dig for your power & find the good in whatever rollercoaster life takes you on.
There’s no better feeling than getting off that ride wiser, happier & stronger than when you got on.
Live your struggles. Experience them. Let yourself feel them.
But in experiencing & feeling them, please, be gentle with yourself & find the little bit of good. No matter how little it is. Find it & hold onto it. That’s how you’ll grow.