July 2017 to Today.
The more my body changes, the more I’m reminded why I chose recovery to begin with.
Life is about change. Sometimes, it’s painful. Sometimes, it’s beautiful. Most of the time, it’s both.
The beauty in change is that you can see it but more importantly, that you can feel it.
When you look at my body today & compare it to my body a few months ago, you see a drastic change.
But life is about more than what you see.
When I look at my body today & compare it to my body a few months ago, I FEEL A DRASTIC CHANGE.
I wake up every morning &:
I feel amazing.
I feel blessed to have chosen to give myself another shot at life.
I feel healthy, strong & ready.
I feel like a different person.
I feel thankful as I made the conscious decision to turn my life around, a decision only I had the power to make.
I feel proud because making that decision & accepting diversion from the safety net of my ED was a painful experience. I felt like I was betraying ED & letting go of something I grew to be so comfortable with. It hurt like hell. It still hurts sometimes.
While making the decision was painful, it also brought such beautiful things to my life.
What’s more beautiful than being granted another shot at life?
Than taking matters into your own hands & teaching your mind to love, cherish & respect your body?
What’s more beautiful than relinquishing your love for life & than life itself?
You could have all the money, clothes, shoes, cars & luxuries in the world but if you don’t have health, what’s all of that worth?
Letting go of ED caused me a lot of pain, suffering & heartbreak, but it also brought me happiness, relief & wholeheartedness.
ED broke me but now I’m whole.
Letting go of ED taught me the true meaning in seeing sunshine after rain.
My life isn’t all sunshine, rainbows & butterflies. Perfection doesn’t exist.
I still have really bad days where I feel horrible for letting go of the one thing that gave me purpose & control.
But I also have really amazing days where I know my purpose is waking up & feeling alive.
But let’s just say that choosing recovery allowed me to see sunshine more often than rain.
It taught me that if you don’t put up a fight, you can’t expect to come out a warrior.