Yes, my body still changes everyday.
It’s hard. Really damn hard.
I can do one of two things:
- Cry about it & miss my old body or;
- Embrace my new one.
Missing my old body means I justify missing the suffering that came with it.
Embracing my new one means I celebrate the life I fought for to get rid of the suffering I went through.
The choice seems obvious, right? But it’s not.
What I’m trying to say is that accepting my new body is about more than just looking at myself in the mirror & choosing to love or to hate it. Accepting my new body is about accepting & LOVING my new life, let alone, the fact that I am alive.
Recovery is an ongoing process. It gets easier with time but there are still really hard days where I feel like the progress I made led up to nothing cause I look at myself & still feel like complete cr*p!
But, what helps is to remind myself that my new body symbolizes so much more than just physical changes, curves, toned muscles & chubbier cheeks. It symbolizes LIFE, but more so, it’s a symbol that I was strong enough to face adversity & overcome it.
You can never know or understand somebody else’s struggle unless you experience it first hand. All I can do is try to put my battle into words – but there is only so much words can describe.
The anguish, pain, sadness, depression, discomfort & self-hate I dealt with daily was enough to make me lose sight of the value of life & the gift that I was freely handed but took for granted.
I reached a point where all those emotions were simply too much for me to handle & where I chose to take matters into my own hands & turn the anguish into joy, sadness into happiness, depression into a newfound love for life, discomfort into confidence & self-hate into self-love.
When I look in the mirror & I don’t love what I see physically, I remind myself of what I can’t see – my functioning organs, control over my emotions, ultimate happiness & stability & clarity of my mind. I then realize that the physical transformation is just a facade for the mental health I fought relentlessly for & found.
Life is about more than what you see.