Is it possible for something to make you happy, but also scare the hell out of you?
Is it possible for something to boost your confidence, but also be faced with moments where you hate your reflection?
Is it possible for something to make you proud, but also make you miss certain parts of your past?
Is it possible for something to lift your spirits, but also bring on moments where you feel down?
Is it possible to get your life back, but also have moments where you just wish you never had to fight for it in the first place?
Is it possible to fully recover from anorexia, but still be faced with these scenarios?
Yes. It’s possible.
All of those things are possible because I’M HUMAN & because I’M HEALING.
Recovery is an ongoing process. It’s not something that just happens & that you simply close the door on.
Recovery is about healing. Healing is the world’s way of revealing what we are truly capable of when we begin to doubt ourselves & question our purpose.
But that doesn’t mean that those moments of doubt don’t surface here & there.
Recovery isn’t linear. There are ups, downs, good days & bad days. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing.
These photos make me happy & proud as they reflect my strength, my health & my determination.
But they also scare me because sometimes, I don’t recognize the person staring back at me.
I’m thankful that I have my life back, but there are also moments where I wonder why I had to go through the gut-wrenching process of having to fight to stay alive to begin with.
But what’s more is that I truly believe I’m better off healed than I ever was unbroken.
A heart that was once shattered symbolizes a battle that has been won. It still leaves certain scars but they serve only ONE purpose: reminders of lessons I learned & strength I found within myself on my journey.
My scars aren’t signs of weakness or of shame, but rather, of growth & perseverance.
I’ve built myself up from the worst rock bottom, climbed my way up from my lowest low & I fought against my demons as they persistently tried to tear me down.
These photos symbolize MY VICTORY.
So while they are painful, scary & hard to look at sometimes, what they represent makes the pain, fear & difficulty worthwhile.
I’m stronger than to let those emotions eat away at my progress.