VulnerABILITY
Why are we afraid of vulnerability?
Why do we associate it with weakness?
Why do we put up walls?
Why have we been taught that we shouldn’t let ourselves feel?
VulnerABILITY is ABILITY. The word speaks for itself.
Vulnerability is strength.
Vulnerability is beauty.
Vulnerability is rawness.
Vulnerability is real.
Vulnerability is the courage to be your authentic self & to be everything that encompasses your being.
Your love. Your pain. Your passions. Your intuition. Your struggles. Your honesty. Your suffering. Your fears.
& to let those things shine.
It’s the ability to let yourself feel & to not see shame in it.
It’s the ability to open your mind & your heart to new experiences, things that scare you that you aren’t used to.
It’s the ability to BE HUMAN.
There’s nothing wrong with going through something & with that thing being HARD for you to cope with & come out of.
Months before I decided to recover, I knew I had to.
I knew I had to because I felt myself slowly degrading, both physically and mentally.
I knew I had to take care of it but I also believed that admitting to it made me look weak.
No matter how much I knew it deep in my heart, I held it in, denied it, found ways to ignore it & to pretend it wasn’t as bad as I knew it was.
I found ways to HIDE my vulnerability.
It was not until I learned that vulnerability is JUST A FEELING, like happiness/sadness/anger/joy, that I was able to LET MYSELF FEEL IT, come out about my struggle & accept that it was the key to getting my life back.
The scary thing about all of that is that I had that key in my possession & control for months before. I just didn’t have the STRENGTH to put it into the lock. It’s only once I did that I realized that exposing my vulnerability made me STRONG, not WEAK.
In retrospect, I wish I’d learned the meaning of vulnerability sooner, before my health reached such a scary, gut wrenching almost irreversible dangerous low.
But I also learned that I gain nothing from the “could’ve”, “should’ve” & “what if’s”.
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