I’m Recovered, But I’m Not JUST My Recovery.
There are no words to describe how amazing it feels to be ALIVE & LIVING.
Yes, I’ve been alive for 26 years, but truth be told, I’ve never felt more alive than I do now.
My journey is unique & that’s what makes it mine.
When I chose recovery, I did not chose it simply to be able to call myself a “survivor” or an “ED warrior“.
No lie, it was certainly (extremely) hard to commit myself to this rollercoaster & to bite the bullet knowing I was in for the ride of my life.
But, when I realized that recovery meant more than just surviving, that it was deeper, more inspiring & more intimate, that’s when it became more realistic (& less scary).
I realized I wanted true recovery to live my life the way it was ALWAYS intended to be.
I find determination everyday in knowing that reaching recovery was only the beginning of my bright & beautiful future.
It isn’t the act within itself that brings me joy but rather, the millions of opportunities & new beginnings that are opening right before my eyes as recovery is attained.
That’s what I fought for.
As these life-changing new doors continue to open, that’s what I continue to fight for.
The long-term benefits.
The carefree vacations.
The lazy days home where I’m perfectly content with a Netflix marathon, a bottle of white wine & sushi.
The spontaneous nights with friends.
The delicious meals.
The pure enjoyment of life.
The opportunity to serve all the roles that slipped away during my battle for health, happiness & freedom.
Recovery isn’t the only aspect of my being that defines me.
I’m also a lawyer, writer, daughter, sister & best friend.
My goal wasn’t to reach recovery & stop there.
I fought because I wanted to do & be all of those things without ED.
I wanted to rediscover my independence & to rediscover myself.
ED took it all away from me & I needed to relinquish it.
So I did.
I stand here recovered.
But, I’m not just recovered.
I am not undermining my victory in winning this war vs. my demons, but rather emphasizing that recovery was motivated by my desire to reclaim all the things that were stolen by my illness.
It’s not about a goal weight.
A meal plan.
Getting through therapy sessions.
It’s not a checklist.
It goes beyond physical healing.
That’s just the beginning.
Today, I’m everything ED took away & everything she didn’t want me to be.