Real Talk: ED Victims Don’t Like What They See & They Hate Even More That There’s Nothing They Can Do About It.
Let’s debunk another eating disorder myth.
Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not about vanity.
They are not lifestyles, phases, choices or goals.
They’re life-ruining & potentially fatal disorders rooted deep in the mind.
Eating disorder victims do not look at themselves & love the way they look.
They actually feel quite the opposite.
They are afraid, disgusted & ashamed of their reflection.
They hate what they see & how they look.
But no matter how hard they try, they cannot change it.
While it is true that EDs often start out as dieting, they’re the manifestation of & coping mechanism used to deal with stress, anxiety, self-hatred, control issues, shame & hopelessness.
Most people don’t understand how much you actually have to hate yourself to constantly deprive yourself of something you know you need to survive.
In the depths of my ED, I knew I was hitting rock bottom.
I knew that my organs were affected by my malnourishment.
I knew that I was harming myself with every passing day.
I knew I needed nourishment to turn things around & survive.
I knew that I hated the way I looked.
I saw all of this degrade, worsen & slowly kill me right before my eyes.
And so, I prayed for the day where I’d be fuller, full of life, curvier, stronger, happier & less sickly, drained, frail & bony.
I longed for those things but no matter how hard I longed, I could not have them.
Next time you wonder why we can’t just eat.
Why we are pushing ourselves so far beyond our limits.
Why we choose to live this way.
Why we don’t take matters into our own hands to turn things around, know that we wish we could.
We would love to just eat but ED doesn’t let us.
We push ourselves harder than we can because if we don’t, ED deems us a failure.
We don’t choose to live this way; ED doesn’t let us make choices for ourselves.
We don’t take matters into our own hands because we’re powerless.
We live everyday with a voice in our minds fuelling us with negative thoughts, triggering our anxieties & stopping us from controlling all aspects of our lives.
I knew that my recovery was successful when suddenly, I looked in the mirror & I LOVED WHAT I SAW. Even if it wasn’t what ED wanted.
When I could JUST EAT.
When I felt strong, powerful & able to make my OWN decisions.
When I no longer listened to the BS the voices fed me.
When I regained control over every aspect of my life.
That’s how I knew I was alive.