“I might only have one match but I can make an explosion!”
GUYS, TODAY IS MY 8-MONTH RECOVERY ANNIVERSARY!
For me, every month anniversary in recovery is a milestone because every month that goes by represents ANOTHER MONTH THAT I DID NOT RELAPSE, THAT I DID NOT GIVE IN TO ED, even when she so “genuinely” tried to creep up on me.
Every month represents ME GETTING STRONGER, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY & PHYSICALLY.
Acknowledging every month allows me to keep going, gives me the courage to push through & to recognize, be proud of & share my progress. It keeps me accountable & gives me something to celebrate.
SO YES, even though 8-month anniversaries are not really a “THING‘, FOR ME THEY ARE.
Eight months ago, on February 7th, 2017, I made the decision to fight to get my life back.
To take that one match, that one spark, that one glimmer of of hope & turn it into an explosion, eruption & volcano OF LIFE/LOVE/STRENGTH/HEALTH/LAUGHTER.
To some, eight months flies by at the speed of light.
To others, it’s an eternity.
To me? It’s not about quantity, amount or length of time, but about what changes as time passes.
I look back on who I was on February 7 & I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know who I was.
In retrospect, although anorexia made me think my life was in such perfect order cause my worship to her was so consistent, I didn’t know who I was then either.
Now, I know exactly who I am, who I was meant to be & what I was meant to do.
I know that to get through hardship, YOU HAVE TO KEEP HOPE & YOU CAN’T LOSE FAITH.
You must find the fire burning in your bones.
The light when you’re surrounded by just darkness.
Ask me what happened in the past 8 months & I wouldn’t know where to begin.
But ONE thing’s for sure:
I CHANGED MY LIFE.
I ate enough for three people in one day.
I cried myself to sleep & was so bloated I could hardly breathe.
I had fainting spells & hospital scares.
I laughed until it hurt.
I cooked & baked for days.
I went out with friends & drank wine.
I got through workouts I never thought possible.
I questioned my purpose & existence, but thanked G-d everyday for giving me another chance at life.
I shared my story with the world on social media & through my blog & I met so many inspirational, honest & beautiful souls along the way.
People walked out on me & my heart broke into a million pieces.
I felt like giving up & crawling back into anorexia’s arms, but I also kicked her hard & picked myself up when all I wanted to do was succumb.
I learned about health, nutrition, wellness & fitness & truly found my passion.
I wondered what life would be like had anorexia never plagued me but I also learned that everything happens for a reason.
I faced & grieved my mom’s passing & I truly believe she’s been with me all along.
I did all of these things (& millions more) in 8 MONTHS.
So, ask me if 8 months is a short or a long period & I don’t have an answer for you.
8 months is simply just TIME.
It’s about WHAT I DID WITH THE TIME & HOW FAR I LET THE TIME TAKE ME.
Time doesn’t travel.
The one thing you must always remember & bear in mind is your DESTINATION.
Don’t stop until you GET THERE (even if it means you feel lost, confused & make a few wrong turns).