When You Rock Out On Your Way To Your Morning Workout Because You’re ALIVE!
Yes, sometimes I rock out in my car because I just FEEL like it.
Call me crazy but I missed out on MOMENTS like these for far too long. Let’s just say I’m making up for lost time.
Eight months ago, moments like these are things I yearned for & couldn’t even fathom.
I’d literally sit & wonder if there would ever be a time where I could enjoy the simple things in life.
without having to constantly worry about getting home in time to eat my next meal;
weighing myself obsessively to make sure things were consistent (BTW, “consistent” meant I was becoming weaker & more skeletal by the day);
measuring my arms & thighs to make sure they hadn’t grown;
& counting down the hours until I was allowed to eat again.
Anorexia took away my WILL TO LIVE.
When you lose your will to live, with the loss of desire comes a belief that you don’t deserve to be happy, whole or healthy.
You value one thing ONLY & all your will & desire gets invested in that.
The worst part?
You don’t see the desire trickle away until you realize what life is all about once you get it back.
You’re so blinded by the illness that you believe it’s not only your state of normalcy, but also your destiny.
You lose hope for the future.
You take every minute as it comes because you reach a point where you’re not sure if you’ll be strong enough to make it to tomorrow.
When you finally get the will back, look anorexia in the eye & tell her that YOU CRAVE MOMENTS LIKE THESE, where you can dance like a crazy person at 7:30am on your way to the gym to kill a workout you NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD GET THROUGH, that’s when you get your life back & realize what you’ve been deprived of for so long.
Recovery is a whirlwind of ups & downs but it’s worth it FOR MOMENTS LIKE THESE.
It gives you the opportunity to FIGHT.
To show anorexia who’s boss.
It gives you back your will & desire to live, be whole & healthy.
It opens your eyes to a beautiful new world without your illness.
It shows you the real definition of what it means to be normal & take control of your life.
You regain hope for the future & you live in the now, not because you’re not sure if your body will make it to tomorrow but cause you appreciate the beauty of being ALIVE (not just for the sake of being alive, but rather for the sake of REALLY, GENUINELY LIVING!).