Let Go Of Your Past But Acknowledge Its Existence.
Let your past be your past, but acknowledge that it’ll forever be a part of you, not because you’ll dwell on it or think about it everyday but rather because it’s a part of what brought you to where you are today.
Almost eight months into recovery & my eating disorder no longer defines me or who I am. It’s a part of my past (& will always be). It’s a part of what shaped me, but that’s really all it is.
Yes, I do still think about it sometimes because the two years I struggled with it felt like an eternity & certainly scarred me for life, but:
“A scar simply means that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you“.
So yes, my eating disorder did everything in its power to hurt me & ultimately, kill me & that left a heck of a scar, but what’s more is that:
Every scar tells a story & mine tells the story of MY SURVIVAL.
I survived because I saw value in the freedom of having control over my thoughts.
Thoughts have power.
They have the power to create, destroy, make you or break you.
I learned (unfortunately, the very hard way) that what consumes your mind, controls your life & it really does all begin & end in the mind. My eating disorder had power over my thoughts & in turn, it had power over me.
I was a prisoner to my very own mind.
I didn’t hand that power over willfully, happily or voluntarily but that doesn’t matter.
What matters is the realization that when I lost control over my thoughts, I lost control over my life.
Then I found it & when I did, I found life.
I found life because I learned that no matter how hard my eating disorder tried to push her pressures, ideas, perspectives, anxieties, triggers & negative thoughts on me, if I wanted to live, all of those things had to become MY PAST.
The only way to do that was to embark on THIS journey.
I’d be lying if I told you it’s all rainbows & butterflies.
On my bad days, the easiest thing to do would be to let my eating disorder regain control over my thoughts & suck me right back into her wrath.
But if I do, I press rewind.
I take a step back.
I let my past be more than what it’s supposed to or should be.
I let it REDEFINE ME.
Those are all things I worked so hard to fight.
When you put up a fight like this, you see the value in leaving your past behind, no matter how much it hurts, how big the scar & how foreign the present & future look & feel.
When it tries to creep back in, don’t grant it more importance than it merits.
You’re stronger than your past for the very reason that it is YOUR PAST!