Let Go Of Your Past But Acknowledge Its Existence.

Let Go Of Your Past But Acknowledge Its Existence.

Let your past be your past, but acknowledge that it’ll forever be a part of you, not because you’ll dwell on it or think about it everyday but rather because it’s a part of what brought you to where you are today.

Almost eight months into recovery & my eating disorder no longer defines me or who I am. It’s a part of my past (& will always be). It’s a part of what shaped me, but that’s really all it is.

Yes, I do still think about it sometimes because the two years I struggled with it felt like an eternity & certainly scarred me for life, but:

A scar simply means that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you“.

So yes, my eating disorder did everything in its power to hurt me & ultimately, kill me & that left a heck of a scar, but what’s more is that:

Every scar tells a story & mine tells the story of MY SURVIVAL.

I survived because I saw value in the freedom of having control over my thoughts.

Thoughts have power.

They have the power to create, destroy, make you or break you.

I learned (unfortunately, the very hard way) that what consumes your mind, controls your life & it really does all begin & end in the mind. My eating disorder had power over my thoughts & in turn, it had power over me.

I was a prisoner to my very own mind.

I didn’t hand that power over willfully, happily or voluntarily but that doesn’t matter.

What matters is the realization that when I lost control over my thoughts, I lost control over my life.

Then I found it & when I did, I found life.

I found life because I learned that no matter how hard my eating disorder tried to push her pressures, ideas, perspectives, anxieties, triggers & negative thoughts on me, if I wanted to live, all of those things had to become MY PAST.

The only way to do that was to embark on THIS journey.

I’d be lying if I told you it’s all rainbows & butterflies.

On my bad days, the easiest thing to do would be to let my eating disorder regain control over my thoughts & suck me right back into her wrath.

But if I do, I press rewind.

I take a step back.

I let my past be more than what it’s supposed to or should be.

I let it REDEFINE ME.

Those are all things I worked so hard to fight.

&

When you put up a fight like this, you see the value in leaving your past behind, no matter how much it hurts, how big the scar & how foreign the present & future look & feel.

When it tries to creep back in, don’t grant it more importance than it merits.

&

Always remember:

You’re stronger than your past for the very reason that it is YOUR PAST!

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