HOLY CURVES. 😮
Some days, you make the struggle a little bit more real.
You’re almost like a reality check that my body is normal & healthy again & let me tell you, ED hates those reminders.
But you’re also a testament to how far I’ve come & how worth it recovery really is.
Thankfully, having come this far, I’ve developed the strength & ability to distinguish between your physical & intellectual impact & not only to distinguish, but also to acknowledge that what you represent intellectually is far more important than the physical.
Let me tell you, ED hates my strength, progress & the abilities I’ve developed throughout recovery EVEN MORE than she hates your reminders.
The thing is, I don’t really care what ED hates, appreciates, loves or doesn’t approve of.
Quite frankly, I don’t really care about ED at all.
Months ago, had I looked in the mirror & seen THIS, it wouldn’t be long before I was curled up in bed in a little ball, starving & wondering how on earth I could be happy with my body the way it looked, not to mention, counting down the hours until tomorrow, when it was finally okay (by ED’s standards) to eat again.
Today, I looked in the mirror & saw THIS.
I’ll admit, I had to do a double take.
It was scary for just a second.
Scary because some days, I notice the curves & the squish a bit more than others because that’s just the way the mind works.
Scary because this isn’t the girl ED wanted me to be.
BUT I did say “scary for just a second“, right?
Suddenly, the fear went away & I was overcome with PRIDE.
Proud because these curves are a sign that I fought hard NOT TO BE THE GIRL ED WANTED ME TO BE.
I fought to be:
& YES, CURVIER.
I fought to get my life back.
If getting my life back entails a little more squish, curve & booty, I’ll take it.
I’ll take it because I know what the alternative entails.
I’ve been on the really, really dark side.
I’ve been there & fought until some days I felt there was no more fight in me to get to THIS SIDE: THE BRIGHT SIDE.
There’s nothing in this world that could justify going back.