Release: A word with many meanings.
But here is what it means to me.
It is about feeling the feeling, BUT NOT BECOMING THE EMOTION.
It is about witnessing it.
Acknowledging it is there.
BUT NOT LETTING IT DEFINE YOU.
Boxing has become a way for me to practice that release.
It has allowed me to relieve so much of my stress & anxiety.
It has taught me that a big part of emotional intelligence & stability is being able to feel an emotion, WITHOUT HAVING TO ACT ON IT & WITHOUT LETTING IT BRING YOU DOWN.
Not only that, but it has also made me realize that releasing every emotion & struggle & letting myself feel is a way to HONOUR MY BEING & MY BODY.
With every punch & kick, I FEEL SOMETHING.
Sometimes, it is good, other times, it is horrible, BUT all that does not matter.
What matters is that I have gathered so much strength from the storms that life has thrown at me.
I have developed the ability to let myself FEEL, be vulnerable & to open my heart & to face reality.
I have released everything that was holding me back.
I can finally say that I am AT PEACE with myself, my mind, my body & my soul.
You see, one of the things that drove me into the scary world that is anorexia was my inability to face my emotions.
Throughout my life & the hardships I’ve had to face, the biggest one, being the loss of my beloved mom, I developed the horrible habit of internalizing my emotions, frustrations, angers, sadness & despair out of fear that I would BECOME & RADIATE all of those things.
I consistently felt like I had to be strong, even though inside, I WAS BROKEN.
I put up walls.
I isolated myself from conversations that exposed realities that I did not want to face.
I did not cry.
I did not let myself be human.
I held myself to an unrealistic standard that ultimately pushed me into a place where self-neglect, self-hate & internalization became my reality.
Until one day, I exploded.
Today, I stand proud because I’ve learned that exposing my vulnerabilities, acknowledging that some days will be better than others & letting myself break down, but also letting myself laugh until it hurts is:
& THE KEY TO LIVING A HEALTHY HAPPY LIFE.
HECK, IT’S PART OF BEING HUMAN.
So instead of holding myself to that standard of ultimate perfection that’s really impossible to attain without LITERALLY almost letting it kill me…