Confession: From Thighs & Fears To Thighs & Insecurities To Thighs: Accepted. Embraced. Loved.

Confession: From Thighs & Fears To Thighs & Insecurities To Thighs: Accepted. Embraced. Loved.

Happy Friday!

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Today, let’s get personal!!

Those of you who know me know that my thighs have always been my biggest insecurity.

No matter how hard I tried, I could never come to terms with how voluptuous they were & how much I felt they were disproportionate & overpowered the rest of my body.

For years, I refrained from wearing short dresses, skirts & jean shorts out of fear that EVERYONE’S EYES would immediately be redirected to my fleshy “monstrous” thunder thighs.

I was:

Embarrassed.

Ashamed.

Shy.

Scared.

&

Had ZERO Self-Confidence.

I HATED THEM.

In the deepest darkest days of my anorexia, my thighs became quite the opposite of what I’d always been used to.

They became bony, rail thin & lost all their form & curve to the point where I questioned how on earth they continued to keep my frail body standing on my two feet.

The funny part?

Even though they became thinner than I had ever imagined they would be, I still couldn’t put on short dresses, skirts or short shorts.

I HATED THEM, but for different reasons.

I hated them because they scared me.

They were not only physically alarming, but they were a screaming sign of my illness & of just how sick I was.

With all this in mind, you can imagine that recovery & weight restoration hasn’t been easy.

I’ve had to LEARN how to embrace, accept, flaunt & LOVE my newfound thighs.

Even when there’s no fabric to cover them.

No security blanket to hide.

No gap.

No tight, booty-hugging, constricting spandex to keep them from squishing & jiggling.

It was terrifying.

BUT, I’ve said it once & I’ll say it again:

MY BODY DOES NOT EXIST TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY.

I KNOW THAT WHO I AM IS NOT MY BODY.

I AM BEAUTIFUL FOR 100 OTHER REASONS.

Somehow, all my life, my thighs threatened to take all that knowledge away & replace it with FEAR.

But this time around, I didn’t let that fear sink in.

This time around, I’m stronger.

I realize that all along, I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS FIXATED ON MY THIGHS.

Nobody cared, BUT ME.

&

So, here I am, exposing a fear I’VE ALWAYS LIVED WITH, but telling you that recovery has allowed me to FACE IT HEAD STRONG & TO OVERCOME IT.

Seven months into recovery & I CONFIDENTLY WEAR THE DRESSES, SKIRTS & SHORT SHORTS.

Even if I’ve got squish.

Even if my thigh gap disappeared.

Even if I’ve got a bit of booty peeking out.

&

Even if I’m no longer the thinnest girl in the room.

Because all those things are TRIVIAL.

They’re not who I am.

They’re not who I want to be.

They’re part of what brought me to where I am today, BUT THEY ARE HISTORY.

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