Confession: From Thighs & Fears To Thighs & Insecurities To Thighs: Accepted. Embraced. Loved.
Today, let’s get personal!!
Those of you who know me know that my thighs have always been my biggest insecurity.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never come to terms with how voluptuous they were & how much I felt they were disproportionate & overpowered the rest of my body.
For years, I refrained from wearing short dresses, skirts & jean shorts out of fear that EVERYONE’S EYES would immediately be redirected to my fleshy “monstrous” thunder thighs.
Had ZERO Self-Confidence.
I HATED THEM.
In the deepest darkest days of my anorexia, my thighs became quite the opposite of what I’d always been used to.
They became bony, rail thin & lost all their form & curve to the point where I questioned how on earth they continued to keep my frail body standing on my two feet.
The funny part?
Even though they became thinner than I had ever imagined they would be, I still couldn’t put on short dresses, skirts or short shorts.
I HATED THEM, but for different reasons.
I hated them because they scared me.
They were not only physically alarming, but they were a screaming sign of my illness & of just how sick I was.
With all this in mind, you can imagine that recovery & weight restoration hasn’t been easy.
I’ve had to LEARN how to embrace, accept, flaunt & LOVE my newfound thighs.
Even when there’s no fabric to cover them.
No security blanket to hide.
No tight, booty-hugging, constricting spandex to keep them from squishing & jiggling.
It was terrifying.
BUT, I’ve said it once & I’ll say it again:
MY BODY DOES NOT EXIST TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY.
I KNOW THAT WHO I AM IS NOT MY BODY.
I AM BEAUTIFUL FOR 100 OTHER REASONS.
Somehow, all my life, my thighs threatened to take all that knowledge away & replace it with FEAR.
But this time around, I didn’t let that fear sink in.
This time around, I’m stronger.
I realize that all along, I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS FIXATED ON MY THIGHS.
Nobody cared, BUT ME.
So, here I am, exposing a fear I’VE ALWAYS LIVED WITH, but telling you that recovery has allowed me to FACE IT HEAD STRONG & TO OVERCOME IT.
Seven months into recovery & I CONFIDENTLY WEAR THE DRESSES, SKIRTS & SHORT SHORTS.
Even if I’ve got squish.
Even if my thigh gap disappeared.
Even if I’ve got a bit of booty peeking out.
Even if I’m no longer the thinnest girl in the room.
Because all those things are TRIVIAL.
They’re not who I am.
They’re not who I want to be.
They’re part of what brought me to where I am today, BUT THEY ARE HISTORY.