Today is not only Transformation Thursday BUT, today also marks 7 MONTHS to the day since I embarked on this journey towards anorexia recovery.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME.
This transformation is an extremely powerful way to see the physical strength I have gained throughout my journey, BUT it does not exemplify the person I have become beneath the surface.
This physical transformation is the foundation of my restoration to health & of my recovery BUT it does not portray the completed journey.
While I am BEYOND impressed & proud with the physical progress I have been able to make, I take the most pride in the beauty, radiance, fire & life I’ve found within the depths of my soul.
TO ME, that is what RECOVERY is ALL ABOUT.
The photo on the left was taken in January 2017.
The one on the right was taken today, before my workout class.
In both photos, I’m smiling.
In the one on the left:
My smile isn’t real (although at the time, I probably believed it was).
It’s the facade for a girl with a broken heart (that’s trying really hard to beat normally).
A girl who always had such an ease with having control over her life & who wants to take it back from anorexia so badly, BUT SHE JUST CAN’T.
A girl who wakes up everyday & fights with herself to find a reason to keep going & the strength to finally recover.
A girl who is controlled by demons bigger, stronger & more powerful than her.
A girl who’s emaciated body is CHAINED to a lifeless existence, with a spirit that is quickly slipping away.
A girl who’s soul is empty, eyes dark & who is BROKEN.
In the one on the right:
My smile is more real than ever.
It’s not the facade for a girl with a broken heart, but rather it’s the REPRESENTATION of a girl who’s heart has been put back together & is FULL (& beating normally).
A girl who regained control of her life because EVEN THOUGH SHE THOUGHT SHE COULDN’T, SHE FOUGHT UNTIL SHE DID.
A girl who wakes up everyday & KNOWS why she keeps going & justifies the journey that is recovery because it BROUGHT HER RIGHT HERE.
A girl who is no longer controlled by ANYTHING.
A girl who’s strong, curvy & healthy body is FREE to exist & live as it wishes, with a NEVER-ENDING spirit & love for life.
A girl who’s soul is FULL OF FIRE, eyes bright & who is WHOLE & HAPPY.
A girl who trusted the process, no matter how many roadblocks, missteps & wrong turns it took her on.
A girl who can say, 7 months in, that the final destination of her journey far outweighed the suffering it took to reach it.
A girl who took every next step to achieve the life she so desperately dreamed of & who is PROUD TO SAY THAT THAT LIFE IS NOW A REALITY.