My Version of Fitspo a.k.a. Standards Only Exist IF We Let Them
I’m not gonna lie.
Before posting this, I questioned whether or not it fit the standard of what is considered “fitspo” (or, in real terms: fitness inspiration).
I looked in the mirror & this morning, I felt & looked a little bit bloated.
I felt a bit squishier & jigglier than yesterday.
My thighs were touching.
The thighs that I’ve worked so hard at loving, accepting & embracing all over again were really peeking out at me.
But, given how far along I am & how much progress I’ve made throughout recovery, I now know with utmost certainty & confidence that my body does not exist to look a certain way.
I know that my purpose is STRENGTH, not weakness.
MUSCLE GAIN, not weight loss.
CURVES, not bones.
HAPPINESS, not misery.
LIFE, not death.
& Because I know all of that, I ALSO know that everything I felt today is normal.
It’s part of the process.
It’s part of recovery.
It’s part of WHO I AM & MY TRANSFORMATION.
Taking all of this into account, I then realized that there really is no clear-cut standard for what fitspo really is.
Standards only exist if we let them.
If we abide by them.
If we respect them.
If we let them set requirements & thresholds.
If we let them dominate us.
Months ago, ED would’ve:
Yelled at me for this photo.
Ruined the rest of my week.
Demanded that I FIX THINGS.
MAKE UP FOR IT.
PUNISH MYSELF for allowing myself to publicize such a thing, let alone, allowing myself to look this way & be PERFECTLY OKAY WITH IT.
But you know what?
ED no longer has that hold over me.
There’s nothing to fix or make up for.
There’s no reason to hate or punish myself or to hide the way I look.
And there really is NOTHING WRONG WITH ALLOWING MYSELF TO LOOK JUST LIKE THIS.
Yes, my body has curvier parts.
It has smooth parts & muscles & parts that were certainly once smaller.
But who I am is SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
So yes, for whatever it’s worth, to me, this is FITSPO.
No standard is going to make me think any differently.