My First Night Out In Like A Century a.k.a. When-You-Rebel-&-Do-All-The-Things-Anorexia-Wouldn’t-Approve-Of
TBH, I kind of forgot what it was like to go out (& I mean “out out”) & actually have a good time.
Wanna know why?
Anorexia told me I wasn’t worthy of any enjoyment, in any way, shape or form.
The only thing I was worthy of was my worship to her.
But guess what? That worship, I gave it up.
I no longer bow down to you, Anorexia.
You are no longer my idol.
I no longer find any comfort in you or what you have to offer me.
That’s because now I know that what you offered me (& what I so vulnerably took from you with open arms & a very weak, frightened & dark soul) is NOTHING compared to the life I know now.
Tonight, I did a million things you wouldn’t approve of & quite frankly, I really don’t care.
I got my hair done. I did my makeup.
I got all dressed up (in an outfit that did wonders at highlighting all the curves I got back since I left you & your manipulation behind).
I left my house at 10PM to meet my friends for drinks. Yes, drinks.
I celebrated one of my amazing friends’ birthdays <3.
I laughed. I cracked up.
I interacted. I met new people.
I didn’t shut up (I mean, did you even have a doubt?)
I HAD A FREAKING TEQUILA SHOT with the birthday girl.
I know, I’m making it a bigger deal than it is, right?
But for me, THAT’S HUGE. I JUST WENT WITH IT & I cannot be prouder.
Anorexia, each & every day, I surprise myself with the little baby steps I take towards entirely stepping out of the horrible “comfort zones” you made me value & commit to.
I don’t intend on stopping anytime soon.
So, if you had any hope… LOSE IT.
The girl in this picture is stronger than you & than you will ever become.
She’s looking down, not because she’s ashamed, afraid, hurt or sad but rather because she’s in awe at the progress she’s made & sometimes, she simply can’t help but admire every inch of her new body.
Because her new body is SO MUCH MORE than just that.
It encompasses years of struggle, but embodies almost 7 months of perseverance, determination & challenge.
It is the most sheer demonstration of what time & commitment can accomplish.
Most of all, it is MY RECOVERY.
It’s me showing YOU that I will continue to fight EVERYDAY.
& That honey, YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE.