Yes, Breakfast Really Makes Me This Happy. Wanna Know Why?
YES. BREAKY really makes me THIS HAPPY.
It always did, but for EXTREMELY different reasons.
Months ago, breaky made me happy cause I was DESPERATELY STARVING.
It was one of the very limited times of the day that anorexia gave me permission to nourish my body, even with the littlest bit of food.
I literally counted down the minutes until the clock turned breakfast time because I had hardly any energy to get from my bedroom to the kitchen, let alone make my breakfast.
THEN, after I ate, two things happened:
1. The feelings of hate, guilt, shame & sadness kicked right back in.
2. The countdown began until the next time anorexia would let me feed my tiny, little, barely-there, barely-breathing frail body.
It was a vicious cycle, one I thought I could & would never get out of.
One I thought would take me on the rollercoaster that would end my life.
BUT THEN, I told the rollercoaster that is anorexia that she was nauseating me.
Making me sick to my stomach.
Making me scared for my life, literally.
Making me scream.
Cry. & DIE.
Then, I got off.
NOW, breaky makes me ECSTATIC because I’m no longer scared to eat it.
I’m not desperate or starving.
It makes me happy because it means I conquered anorexia.
It means I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
It means my life is no longer a countdown or a timer.
It means my life is no longer controlled or dominated by something stronger than me, not to mention EVIL AF.
It means I have control over my mind, body, heart, soul, life & over all the yummy food that goes into my body whenever I want it to!
It means I won.
It means I got off the rollercoaster & didn’t let it nauseate me for a second longer.
It means I gained the ability to recognize & acknowledge what was BEST FOR ME.
FOR MY HEART TO KEEP BEATING & FOR MY LIFE TO GO ON.
So here I am.
Devouring my breaky.
Without a care in the world.
Well, maybe one: GREEK YOGURT.
Anorexia, how much does it hurt to be shown who’s boss?