Prison Break (ED Edition) & Then What? FREEDOM.
Freedom is a loose term.
What does it mean?
I’ve always said I wanted to be free from my ED, but I never knew what freedom was because I had been deprived of it for so long.
I imagined what it was like, but I could only explain it vaguely.
I knew it meant a life of laughter, joy & spontaneity, but I couldn’t find any other words to describe this dream that seemed so far gone.
I wanted it, but I didn’t really know what it was.
As I sit here, I can think of 10 things that made me smile today.
100 things that made me die of laughter in the past week.
1,000 things that happened in the past month that reminded me how blessed I am.
This joy is rooted in my strength & in the fact that, in spite of the lies my demons fed me, I constantly challenged them.
My joy has come from my suffering.
I’m thankful for this because I don’t think I’d understand the beauty of my life today without being faced with the hell I went through to get here.
It was completely & utterly horrific.
BUT, standing from where I am today, I can say: It was worth it.
It taught me who I am.
I now have my VERY OWN definition of freedom.
It’s no longer loosely or vaguely defined.
It’s a concrete & permanent part of my everyday life.
Freedom is waking up in the morning & instantaneously craving my Greek yogurt parfait.
Freedom is answering messages from friends & agreeing to go to lunch without a moment of hesitation.
Freedom is my everlasting laughter & radiant smile.
Freedom is having that 2nd chocolate cookie, that extra handful of granola, the satisfaction (& not guilt) that comes with helping myself to seconds.
Freedom is waking up with a clear mind no longer dominated by dark & scary thoughts.
Freedom is slipping into a pair of jeans & having to wiggle into them & having no problem at all with that.
Freedom is the ability to thrive independently.
Freedom is peace of mind.
Freedom is mental clarity, accompanied by a FULL heart & a STRONG body.
Freedom isn’t just being able to let go of the things that once held you back, but also the opportunity to rediscover the person you lost sight of throughout your battle.
It is happiness.
Although we’re all free to a certain extent, I never really saw the beauty in it until I experienced what it was like to be a PRISONER.
A prisoner to my thoughts & in my own body.
Breaking free from that cell is the best decision I ever made.
(Yes. Even if it was scary as hell).
If you haven’t yet experienced this freedom, I promise it’s coming for you.