TRUTH: You Have To Want Recovery More Than Anything Else In The World.
I’ve always said that YOU HAVE TO WANT RECOVERY MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.
Today, I know this more than ever.
Throughout my ED, I was totally conscious of the fact that it was a HUGE burden, not only for myself but also for everyone around me.
BUT, no matter how hard I tried to break free from it, I gripped on tighter EVERY SINGLE TIME I tried to escape.
You see, Anorexia & I were in an abusive relationship.
Nobody else was to blame for my emaciated body & my controlled brain.
It was an ongoing internal battle with an abuser, one that was living INSIDE OF ME.
I couldn’t run & I couldn’t hide.
It consumed me.
It takes more than a few lectures about the positivity & happiness that recovery can bring to your life or forcing yourself to eat foods that are not on your “safe list” once or twice in order to overcome this battle WITH YOURSELF.
It takes 150% of your focus & attention, all day, everyday.
It takes sacrifice, commitment, motivation & perseverance.
Most of all, IT TAKES MENTAL STRENGTH.
You have to want it so bad that NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT GETS, you find a reason to keep fighting.
I fought for my life so that I could regain my LOVE FOR LIVING.
Those of you who know me know that I’ve ALWAYS been a social butterfly.
When Anorexia came into my life, that butterfly flew away. I never really knew if she’d come back.
BUT, I never gave up on that butterfly because I knew that if I lost my life, I would’ve wasted an opportunity to MAKE (or at least, TRY TO) this world a better place.
I FOUND MY MOTIVATION & I REPEATED IT TO MYSELF A MILLION TIMES EVERYDAY.
Then, I repeated it a million times more.
It’s a long process, I won’t lie.
Some might even call it the battle of a lifetime.
BUT, take my journey as a testament to the fact that you will come out a VICTORIOUS WARRIOR if you have the courage to try, push yourself & do everything in your power to not let yourself fall.
Life is a rollercoaster, a very ironic one.
We must know sadness to know the true meaning of happiness.
Experience noise to appreciate silence.
Embrace absence to value presence.
YESTERDAY’S STRUGGLES are what allow us to TREASURE TODAY’S BEAUTY.
So take today’s breakdowns & transform them into BREAKTHROUGHS.
Fight today’s BATTLES & transform them into STEPPING STONES.
Take control of your thoughts.
When you feel like you’re losing it?
Instead of letting go, HOLD ON TIGHT.
You got this.