I took 3 of the same photo because I was stunned by what I saw.
I felt like it didn’t live up to the standards.
No toned abs or defined biceps.
I felt as though it wasn’t enough.
But then, as I snapped the 4th shot, I went with it.
I’m no longer ashamed of my body.
I’m proud as hell of the girl in my reflection because of the strength in her bones & the passion in her heart, all things that 1 photo CANNOT expose.
I am beautiful.
I remember praying for the days I’m now living.
Bawling in fear that my life would end without my ability to do anything to change it
How incapable I was of understanding a life without my demons.
The amount of times I uttered the phrase “I give up” shakes & breaks me.
These memories will always sting & the flashbacks will continue to haunt me but now, I acknowledge those moments as nothing more than a closed chapter.
Those days no longer hold any power over me.
THE LIFE I DESPERATELY PRAYED FOR IS NOW MY REALITY.
This new chapter of my life is called HAPPINESS.
I’m not broken anymore.
I’m stronger, wiser & more beautiful than before.
I took all my million broken pieces & put them back together.
I found the strength in my bones to piece together the shattered moments of my past life & put them back together to make a beautiful masterpiece.
That broken heart & those shattered moments of my old reflection are the beginning of a new journey towards happiness.
They are just a memory.
A reminder of the monsters I have overcome, but they are now pieces that no longer have the power or control to cut me.
I know now what it’s like to feel alive.
I feel a spark in my heart.
The numbness I once accepted is no longer a permanent part of me.
It disappeared BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO & I LET IT.
Before recovery, I was constantly told to JUMP, to leap from the cliff of darkness, disgust & utter fear & embrace the fall into a world of hope.
I was promised that recovery would be on the other side.
But, I never believed it.
SOMEHOW, I JUMPED ANYWAY.
Here I am, on the other side, A STRONGER THAN EVER SURVIVOR.
Now, take it from me.
I speak from experience.