Embrace The Squish!
Yes, to me, this is SQUISH.
Keep in mind where I’m coming from.
This is me 30 lbs. heavier than I was 6 months ago.
Talk about a shock factor, right?
The question is: Is this shock factor a good thing or a bad thing?
First things first, it’s a good thing because it makes me proud.
It makes me proud of how far I’ve come.
How I’ve let myself become the old me.
How I’ve made recovery not only about gaining weight but about gaining back MY HEALTH, my energy, my love for life & laughter & about changing my lifestyle for the better.
It’s a good thing because it means I can use my experience to help you shape yours.
To help you get up, no matter how low you are.
How deep in you feel.
How hopeless you are.
It means you can use my experience as a testament to the fact that IF YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE HEART, MIND & SOUL INTO SOMETHING, YOU CAN MAKE IT YOURS.
We all have an immeasurable amount of inner strength.
Sometimes, we don’t see it or let ourselves see it.
We underestimate it.
It’s masked by sadness & negative emotions.
It seems too far beyond reach because hardship is all we let ourselves see.
BUT IT IS THERE. I promise.
So this shock factor?
It’s good cause it has allowed me (& will hopefully inspire you) to let YOUR inner strength shine & to DO WHAT YOU ONCE THOUGHT IMPOSSIBLE.
BUT, this shock factor is also scary.
I wake up everyday & my reflection is different.
Some days, I LOVE it & I’m doing all kinds of happy dances.
Others, I HATE it.
But the thing about recovery & coming this far is that on the days where I hate it, I NOW HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FIGHT THE SELF-HATE, not let it get to me, not let it bring me down & not let the negative voices influence, seduce, tempt or sway me in the wrong direction.
6 months ago, those bad mirror days?
They sucked me back into anorexia.
BUT NOW, I’ve learned to fight fear.
To love myself fully & unconditionally & to value the REAL IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE, like love, life & laughter.
These are not things you can measure in pounds or ounces.
I am so thankful that I see them OH SO CLEARLY now.
PEACE OUT ANOREXIA!
(Not) nice knowing ya.