True Despair: 0 / Willingness To Fight: 100.

There is a lot of despair behind these photos.
But there’s also a huge willingness to fight.
It’s a constant battle.
I’ve come to learn that it takes a while for anorexia to settle in & it will take a while before she really leaves me alone.
BUT, my desire to live my life without her is stronger & will succeed in the end.
I must focus my thoughts on health, not numbers.
On possibilities, not impossibilities or constraints.
It’s true, anorexia doesn’t like those choices.
BUT I DO.
MY HEART DOES.
MY SOUL DOES.
&
MY CONSCIOUS SELF DOES.
Tonight, I feel vulnerable again.
But it’s okay.
It’s anorexia complaining because she feels like I am moving on.
She feels like I’m telling her to F off & I am.
She’s so freaking manipulative.
She will take on as many faces as she can to try to delude me, seduce me, entice me & tempt me.
But I am BETTER than to let myself be swayed by the words of a fake charmer.
I need to constantly remind myself that I am not alone.
That I will conquer this BEAST.
&
That in the end, my body will be FOREVER THANKFUL.
Recovery has taken me on my life’s journey.
On the scariest roller coaster of my life.
&
When it’s all over, my body will love me so much.
It will never let me down.
But before I can get there, I must continue to fight.
I must continue to look at life & live it in the healthiest way FOR ME.
Ultimately, I must continue to choose life again & again & again.
Why?
Because I deserve to live.










