True Despair: 0 / Willingness To Fight: 100.

There is a lot of despair behind these photos.

But there’s also a huge willingness to fight.

It’s a constant battle.

I’ve come to learn that it takes a while for anorexia to settle in & it will take a while before she really leaves me alone.

BUT, my desire to live my life without her is stronger & will succeed in the end.

I must focus my thoughts on health, not numbers.

On possibilities, not impossibilities or constraints.

It’s true, anorexia doesn’t like those choices.

BUT I DO.

MY HEART DOES.

MY SOUL DOES.

&

MY CONSCIOUS SELF DOES. 

Tonight, I feel vulnerable again.

But it’s okay.

It’s anorexia complaining because she feels like I am moving on.

She feels like I’m telling her to F off & I am.

She’s so freaking manipulative.

She will take on as many faces as she can to try to delude me, seduce me, entice me & tempt me.

But I am BETTER than to let myself be swayed by the words of a fake charmer.

I need to constantly remind myself that I am not alone.

That I will conquer this BEAST.

&

That in the end, my body will be FOREVER THANKFUL.

Recovery has taken me on my life’s journey.

On the scariest roller coaster of my life.

&

When it’s all over, my body will love me so much.

It will never let me down.

But before I can get there, I must continue to fight.

I must continue to look at life & live it in the healthiest way FOR ME.

Ultimately, I must continue to choose life again & again & again. 

Why?

Because I deserve to live.