True Despair: 0 / Willingness To Fight: 100.
There is a lot of despair behind these photos.
But there’s also a huge willingness to fight.
It’s a constant battle.
I’ve come to learn that it takes a while for anorexia to settle in & it will take a while before she really leaves me alone.
BUT, my desire to live my life without her is stronger & will succeed in the end.
I must focus my thoughts on health, not numbers.
On possibilities, not impossibilities or constraints.
It’s true, anorexia doesn’t like those choices.
BUT I DO.
MY HEART DOES.
MY SOUL DOES.
MY CONSCIOUS SELF DOES.
Tonight, I feel vulnerable again.
But it’s okay.
It’s anorexia complaining because she feels like I am moving on.
She feels like I’m telling her to F off & I am.
She’s so freaking manipulative.
She will take on as many faces as she can to try to delude me, seduce me, entice me & tempt me.
But I am BETTER than to let myself be swayed by the words of a fake charmer.
I need to constantly remind myself that I am not alone.
That I will conquer this BEAST.
That in the end, my body will be FOREVER THANKFUL.
Recovery has taken me on my life’s journey.
On the scariest roller coaster of my life.
When it’s all over, my body will love me so much.
It will never let me down.
But before I can get there, I must continue to fight.
I must continue to look at life & live it in the healthiest way FOR ME.
Ultimately, I must continue to choose life again & again & again.
Because I deserve to live.