This Is My Reality.

This Is My Reality.

Hi loves!

<3

Why am I posting this, right?

I know this isn’t a fancy recipe.

She isn’t really that pretty either.

& If we’re being honest here, truth be told, I don’t really have much to show off with this bowl.

But, that’s not the goal of this post.

The goal of this post is to relay to you munchkins that tonight’s dinner is not only a Smoked Turkey, Broccoli & Crushed Pecans Deli Salad tossed in a Sesame Ginger Vinaigrette, but IT’S ALSO a representation of the way I’m feeling (& have been feeling this past week) – LIKE CR*P!

This week has seriously been a freaking rollercoaster for me.

There were days where I felt GOOD!

Extremely happy!

Motivated!

Successful!

Determined!

On-top-of-my-game!

STRONG!

& in this to win it!

But then there were other days where:

I felt BLOATED!

Sad!

Demotivated!

Discouraged!

Like a failure!

Out-of-my-element!

Weak!

Uneasy!

Uncomfortable!

Those days were really hard.

I woke up this morning feeling all those good things, but right now, I’m feeling all the bad stuff.

Unfortunately, being in recovery from an eating disorder means that EMOTIONS RUN WILD. ALL DAY. EVERYDAY.

& It also means that NO MATTER HOW BLOATED I FEEL, I have to eat dinner.

& That’s where this salad comes in.

This salad represents me feeling like CRAP but knowing that:

If I skip dinner, I’m giving in to anorexia & letting her win & that I’m letting feeling bloated take precedence over all my physical, emotional & mental progress.

& THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD THAT I AM ABOUT TO DO EITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS. NO WAY, IN NO SHAPE, SIZE OR FORM. Not now. Not ever. Never.

& SO, despite feeling like a sumo wrestler, I mustered up the strength (Do not ask me how!) to whip up a quick & simple salad, one that still fulfills all my meal plan requirements, but yes, ONE THAT WILL FILL ME UP & PROBABLY MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE BLOATED.

But you know what, my loves?

I AM IN THIS TO WIN IT.

& quite frankly, I have no choice.

This is my life right now.

This is my recovery.

This is my journey.

This is my “better me”.

This is my reality.

& Just as recovery has done such a good freaking job at teaching me thus far, I’M GOING TO FACE MY REALITY HEAD STRONG & I’M GOING TO DEVOUR THIS SALAD (Let’s be honest, even though she ain’t that pretty, HOW DELISH DOES SHE SOUND?).

& Even IF I feel like crap after doing so, I’m going to go about the rest of my day & accept that it’s OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY every once in a while.

AND THEN, I will sleep this BLOATING OFF (PRAY FOR ME!) & tomorrow will be a better day!

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1 thought on “This Is My Reality.”

  • you are doing the right thing – even when things are really tough don’t give in to that bitch ana ! – she can’t hurt you – she can only persuade you to hurt yourself – by suggesting you skip meals – NEVER give in

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