Kelly’s Clean-AF Spiced-Up Oven-Roasted Asparagus a.k.a. When-You-Can’t-Pick-Just-One-Or-Two-Spices-YOU-COMBINE-‘EM-ALL-&-Create-This-Rainbow-&-WOAH!

Kelly’s Clean-AF Spiced-Up Oven-Roasted Asparagus a.k.a. When-You-Can’t-Pick-Just-One-Or-Two-Spices-YOU-COMBINE-‘EM-ALL-&-Create-This-Rainbow-&-WOAH!

Hi babies!!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 

Hope you’re all having a Happy Tuesday! I legit cannnnnot deal with Montreal weather RN. Like, it’s the BIGGEST TEASE (Lawlz & you thought I was a tease… WOAH). Anywho, the sun just keeps coming out for like a sec, then these stupid clouds just take over & turn this Tuesday in GLOOSMVILLE. Not down.

BUT, after every freaking rainstorm (OR GLOOMY DAY, WHATEVZ), comes a rainbow, right? AND SO, IN ANTICIPATION OF JUST THAT, I CREATED THIS BEAUTZ COLORFUL-AF MARINADE & ROASTED SOME ASPARAGUS THIS MORNING & WELL… let’s just say I am a magician.

Ladies & gents, I present you with Kelly’s Clean-AF Spiced-Up Oven-Roasted Asparagus a.k.a. When-You-Can’t-Pick-Just-One-Or-Two-Spices-YOU-COMBINE-‘EM-ALL-&-Create-This-Rainbow-&-WOAH!

This one’s gonna be short & sweet munchkins because SHE REALLY IS SO SIMPLE & EASY, but she’s a great (& when I say great, I mean freaking awesome) staple to keep in your fridge at all times (a.k.a. MEAL PREP ‘ER) & to throw into bowls, use as a base for beef, chicken, or fish, in salads or pasta dishes OR JUST TO MUNCH & CRUNCH ON AS IS!

The babes (& by babes, I mean asparagus stalks, BUT YOU KNEW THAT, RIGHT?) are seasoned with LIKE… EVERY. POSSIBLE. SPICE. ON. THE. PLANET, organic EVOO, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar & a dash of maple syrup! YEP, THAT’S ALL. IT DON’T GET HEALTHIER. IT DON’T GET CLEANER. & IT DON’T GET TASTIER. Wait, just wait, until you see that spice list… I WILL HAVE YOU DROOLING IN SECONDS. Y’ALL READY?

OH BUT WAIT, FIRST, I WANTED TO TELL YOU MUNCHKINS ABOUT THE MAIN BENEFITS OF THIS BEAUTY WE LIKE TO CALL ASPARAGUS! I promise it won’t take long, okay?! Here we go with NUTRITION-101 WITH KELLY IN THE KITCH!

LOADED & I MEAN, LOADED & PACKED WITH NUTRIENTS:

ASPARAGUS is a very good source of fibre, folate, vitamins A, C, E and K, as well as chromium, a trace mineral that enhances the ability of insulin to transport glucose from the bloodstream into cells.

CAN HELP FIGHT CANCER!!!!:

Just like my other babes KALE & BRUSSELS, asparagus is a rich source of glutathione, a detoxifying compound that helps break down carcinogens and other harmful compounds like free radicals. This is why eating asparagus may help protect against and fight certain forms of cancer, such as bone, breast, colon, larynx and lung cancers.

PACKED WITH ANTIOXIDANTS:

THE BABE is one of the top ranked fruits and vegetables for its ability to neutralize cell-damaging free radicals. This, according to preliminary research, may help slow the aging process.

ASPARAGUS MAKE YOU SMART. OKAY, MAYBE NOT “MAKES YOU SMART”, BUT THE BABE IS A BRAIN BOOSTER!:

Another anti-aging property of this delicious spring veggie is that it may help our brains fight cognitive decline. Like leafy greens, asparagus delivers folate, which works with vitamin B12—found in fish, poultry, meat and dairy—to help prevent cognitive impairment.

OKAY, I’M DONE. NOW, let’s get to that nitty-gritty!!!!! Ya dig?

My loves, YOU WILL NEED:

  • One bunch of asparagus, ENDS TRIMMED (Basically, what I mean is give the babes A HAIRCUT, lol I’m dying!!!);
  • ¼ cup of organic balsamic vinegar;
  • ¼ cup of organic extra-virgin olive oil;
  • 3 tbsp. of freshly squeezed lemon juice;
  • 2 tbsp. of organic apple cider vinegar;
  • A splash or two, OR THREE, of pure organic maple syrup (LET’S BE HONEST, YOU’RE PUTTING THREE!!!!!);
  • 1 tsp. of dried minced garlic;
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder;
  • 1 tsp. of dried parsley flakes;
  • ½ tsp. of smoked paprika;
  • ½ tsp. of ground cumin;
  • ½ tsp. of garlic powder;
  • ½ tsp. of ground turmeric;
  • ¼ tsp. of freshly ground black pepper;
  • Organic Himalayan pink sea salt for seasoning;
    • UHHHHH, CAN WE DISCUSS THIS SPICED-UP DELICIOUSNESS PLEASE?

& NOW, THAT MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION, that TBH, you should be able to answer on your own based on how SIMPLE the ingredients list is: HOW-TO? BUT, because I just love you all so much, I’ll tell you how anyways & yes, I’m talking A WHOLE STEP-BY-STEP Á LA KELLY IN THE KITCH!

  • MUNCHKINS, preheat your oven to 400F & line a baking sheet with parchment paper! Set aside.
  • Add your asparagus to a LARGE-AF metal mixing bowl & season with ALLLLLL ‘DEM INGREDIENTS. No, I will not list them, like you legit just need to THROW EVERYTHING INTO A BOWL, okay? SO EASY!

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  • NOW, TOSSSS ALL ‘DAT ASPARAGUS & MAKE SURE ALL ‘DA GREENS ARE COATED IN ALL THIS WONDERFULNESS.

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  • Once coated, transfer the asparagus to the baking sheet & lay each stalk of asparagus on the sheet separately. A.k.a. DO NOT PILE THEM!!!! Drizzle the remainder of the marinade on the asparagus!

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  • BAKE THE BABES FOR 25 MINUTES, flippppping them AT THE HALFWAY POINT!!
  • Once ‘dat timer beeps & YOUR BABIES ARE READY, LET ‘EM COOL ON ‘DA BAKING SHEET. BUT, I MEAN, OBVS. TASTE THEM WHILE YOU’RE WAITING (OBVS. when they’re cooled enough not to BURN YOUR TONGUE OFF!).
  • Once cooled, STORE THE BABES IN AN AIRTIGHT CONTAINER & refrigerate! But like… let’s be honest, there ain’t no storing that’s gonna happen!!!! YOU’RE GONNA DEVOUR THESE GUILT-FREE BABIES STRAIGHT OFF THE BAKING SHEET! & Are you even mad bro? NAH! (Next time, just double your batch, kay? It’ll save you having to RESTART ALL OVA’ AGAIN ’cause let’s be honest, you can’t go to bed without a fresh batch of these babes in your fridge, right? KAY, SAME!!).

OH & FOOD PORN!?! Yes, please!

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ENJOY BABIES!!!! <3




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