Hi my loves!!! <3 <3 <3
Happy Thursday!!! UH, can we all take a second to REJOICE at the fact that tomorrow is FRIYAY! & we all know that FRIYAY means WEEEEEEEKEND! Ah, doing happy dance, STAT, you?
So I’m here RN for a lil’ something I like to call MOTIVATIONAL THURSDAYS. Basically, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve essentially turned EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE WEEK INTO A “MOTIVATIONAL” ONE. But who’s complaining, right? Motivation is a good thing!
ANYWHO lovies, today I want to tell you all about THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR JEANS DON’T FIT. Let’s be honest, for most people that feeling is like ONE OF THE WORST IN THE WORLD, right? It’s that moment you realize that all those cheat days you’ve been excusing have finally caught up to you & that all those DQ Cookie Dough Blizzards, Starbucks Frapps & 4am McDonald’s runs MAY NOT HAVE BEEN YOUR SMARTEST IDEAS EVER. Right?
But, would you munchkins believe me if I told you that FOR ME, this is the BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?!? (MINUS the fact that the jeans are like really pretty & I wish I could like stretch the eff out of them to enlarge them, but whatevz!). LET ME EXPLAIN.
Basically, this morning, I was getting dressed to go run some errands & I decided to slip on a pair of SKINNY JEANS (SLIP ON? LAWLZ. Or so I thought…). Let’s just say, those babies did not slip on as easily as I thought they would. Basically, picture me standing (NO, RATHER, JUMPING) in front of my mirror, doing little “I-CAN’T-GET-INTO-MY-JEANS” dances, trying to pull the babes up, getting slightly out of breath (no joke), doing little movements & squats here & eventually, RATHER, FINALLY, coming to terms with the idea that THE BABES SIMPLY NO LONGER FIT & THAT I WILL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ANOTHER PAIR. You would think I’d crumble to the floor & scream & cry in front of the mirror.
THREE MONTHS AGO, YES. You’re right. TODAY, NEVER!!!
My loves, not being able to fit into my jeans today is:
A SIGN OF EVEN MORE PROGRESS.
A SIGN OF YET ANOTHER ACCOMPLISHMENT.
A SIGN THAT I’M KILLNIG IT.
A SIGN THAT ALL THAT “NOURISH YOUR BODY” STUFF IS ACTUALLY WORKING.
A SIGN THAT MAKING RECOVERY MY B*TCH WAS THE BEST DECISION IN THE WORLD.
A SIGN THAT I’M MOVING FORWARD.
A SIGN THAT THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS SHINING EVEN BRIGHTER.
A SIGN THAT I AM HEALTHIER.
A SIGN THAT I AM KICKING ANOREXIA IN THE BUTT (HATE YOU! HOPE I GET YOU WHERE IT HURTS!)
A SIGN THAT I AM FATTER, YES FATTER (& I DO NOT CARE).
A SIGN THAT MY CURVES ARE SLOWLY COMING BACK (Hey, slow & steady wins the race, right?).
A SIGN THAT I NEED TO GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE & BUY ME SOME NEW JEANS, OH & SOME NEW SUMMER CLOTHES WHILE I’M AT IT! (Why not, right?) (LAWLZ. TOTZ. KIDDING!!).
A SIGN THAT THE WEIGHT GAIN IS CONSISTENT & THAT THE POUNDS ARE STAYING ON (& THAT SAYING PEACE OUT TO MY SCALE WAS THE SECOND BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, CHOOSING LIFE & RECOVERY BEING THE FIRST, OBVS!)
A SIGN THAT MAKING YOURSELF, YOUR BODY & YOUR MIND A PRIORITY IS THE MOST REWARDING THING IN THE WORLD.
BUT MOST OF ALL, IT’S A SIGN THAT THERE IS (& THERE NEVER SHOULD BE) NO ALTERNATIVE TO CHOOSING LIFE.
LIFE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD & today, as I look back on three short months ago, when I was at my EXTREME LOW, it mind boggles me, like literally, PUTS ME IN COMPLETE & UTTER AWE, that I was even able, for the slightest second, no, millisecond, to think that I’d choose anorexia, that I’d let her have the upper hand & worst of all, that I’d let her take MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION AWAY FROM ME, MY LIFE.
AND THEN I REALIZE, I SOMEHOW MUSTERED UP THE STRENGTH NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN (Take that Anorexia & THANK YOU MOMMY, I LOVE YOU FOREVER & EVER).
AND SO, I sit here today, typing away frantically, to tell you munchkins about today’s accomplishment, IN MY LULULEMONS. Basically, the babes are so stretchy-AF, they will fit you ANY DAY, ANY TIME, ANY PLACE, ANYWHERE, NO MATTER WHAT & this, my friends, IS F-AWESOME. AND, no, this is not a paid advertisement for Lululemon, I simply got over the idea of wearing jeans to go run errands, NOT TO MENTION, NONE OF THEM FIT ME. LAWLZ. WHATEVZ. LULUS FOR THE WIN.
All jokes aside, I am so amazed with myself and with all the progress I have made thus far on my journey towards ANOREXIA RECOVERY. I cannot even begin to tell you the feelings I used to get when I would wake up in the morning, step on the scale (INSTANTLY, LIKE, BEFORE EVEN TAKING MY FIRST BREATH OF THE DAY) & see it go up by A MERE 0.1 lb. It literally ruined my morning, NO, my entire day, HECK, my entire week!!!! I remember I would sit & wonder how it could happen if I was eating the same damn thing every single day of my life… I would convince myself that it was because I had failed. Because I had let myself have one bite too many. Because I had eaten an extra cherry tomato, LITERALLY.
I look back now & I’m scared of the person I once was, but I’m also so thankful that I SAID GOODBYE TO HER & THAT I KNOW I WILL NEVER LOOK BACK.
Oh, and did I mention that, TODAY, it’s not about the one bite too many or that extra cherry tomato, I’M TAKIN’ BITES ALL DAY LONG & I’M CHOPPIN ‘DEM CHERRY TOMATOES WITHOUT EVEN COUNTING THEM & BEST OF ALL? I AIN’T EVEN MAD BRO.
All this to say, despite the fact that little accomplishments like these may seem rather trivial to some, TO ME, THEY ARE EVERYTHING. THEY ARE WHAT GIVES ME FUEL & KEEPS ME GOING. & I AM TOTALLY IN “CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP” MODE (BASICALLY, MY TANK IS FULL). Plus, when things are looking so “UP” from here, why would I stop anyway, right?
On that note, I leave you munchkins with these final words:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR MOTIVATION.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
& MOST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR BEING (PART OF, YES, EVEN IF IT’S SMALL) THE REASON THAT MY JEANS NO LONGER ZIP!
LOVE YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
<3 <3 <3 <3
Oh & can we take a second to talk about my most recent fave Snapchat filter??