Gluten-Free Spaghetti with Sautéed Garlic, Sweet White Onion, Kale & Portobello Mushrooms in a Lemon-y Goat Cheese Sauce a.k.a. When-Your-Sauce-Is-So-Creamy-You-Want-To-Rub-It-All-Over-Your-Face-Oh-&-Sautéed-Kale-Always

Gluten-Free Spaghetti with Sautéed Garlic, Sweet White Onion, Kale & Portobello Mushrooms in a Lemon-y Goat Cheese Sauce a.k.a. When-Your-Sauce-Is-So-Creamy-You-Want-To-Rub-It-All-Over-Your-Face-Oh-&-Sautéed-Kale-Always

Hi my loves! <3 <3

Who else is jumping for joy at the thought that it’s FRIYAY night?!?! Cheers to the freakin’ weekend, right? YAY! OKAY, so, you all know what the weekend means, right? THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE TONS OF FREE TIME TO WHIP UP KELLY IN THE KITCH’S DELISH RECIPES. (Sorry, I don’t mean to brag, but like…). ANYWHO, here is tonight’s dinner!!! ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE SURPASSED ALL PASTA GOALS. ALL DINNER GOALS. ALL EVERYTHING GOALS.

THINK: Sautéed fresh garlic. Sweet white onion. Kale & Portobello mushrooms seasoned with like EVERY SPICE TO EVER EXIST (Duh… HAVE YOU MET ME THOUGH?)…. THEN, think about this beautiful veggie mixture tossed in perfectly al denté spaghetti & a beautiful, rich, creamy, smooth, soft (and every other synonym for these words) lemony goat cheese sauce… ARE YOU ALIVE? Please confirm. I care for your well-being but I had to describe this baby to you!!! I couldn’t keep it from you for much longer, plus you know when you just like NEED to talk about something. Well, THAT’S THE MOOD I’M IN NOW.

Ladies & gents, this is my Gluten-Free Spaghetti with Sautéed Garlic, Sweet White Onion, Kale & Portobello Mushrooms in a Lemon-y Goat Cheese Sauce a.k.a. When-Your-Sauce-Is-So-Creamy-You-Want-To-Rub-It-All-Over-Your-Face-Oh-&-Sautéed-Kale-Always.

BEFORE I tell you munchkins what you will need, LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. THIS BABE IS AMAZING:

  • CLEAN, LEAN & HEALTHY, all while feeling like LEGIT warm, creamy, comfort food!!!
  • She packs 24 GRAMS OF PROTEIN & 18 GRAMS OF FIBRE. What?!?!?!?!?
  • She is the DEFINITION OF EAT YO GREENS!
  • CREAMY & CHEESY AF.
  • DELICIOUSLY-DELICIOUS.
  • Sautéed crabmeat. ‘NUFF SAID.
  • LOADED WITH YUMMY, GOOD-FOR-YOU SPICES!

If I haven’t already convinced you, YOU’RE TOO HARD TO GET & I DO NOT LIKE YOU. BYE. No, I’m kidding. But, seriously, if you aren’t convinced, this ingredients list is sure as EFF going to help your cause. HERE GOES LOVIES! YOU WILL NEED:

FOR THE PASTAAAAA:

  • Pasta of your choice (I used Gluten-Free Fettuccine noodles);
  • 1 tbsp. of extra-virgin olive oil (I use Maison Orphée organic EVOO);
  • 2 cloves of garlic, MINCED;
  • 2 cups of kale, stems removed & CHOPPED;
  • 1 medium sweet white onion, CHOPPED;
  • 200g of Portobello mushrooms, SLICED;
  • 200g of organic mock crab, DICED;
  • 1/4 tsp. of freshly ground black pepper;
  • 1/4 tsp. of organic Himalayan pink sea salt;
  • 1/2 tsp. of smoked paprika;
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder;
  • 3 tbsp. of fresh dill, ROUGHLY CHOPPED;
  • 3 tbsp. of fresh cilantro, ROUGHLY CHOPPED;

FOR THE MAGICALLY-DELICIOUSLY-INCREDIBLY-CREAMY-AF SAUCE:

  • 1 tbsp. of butter or vegan butter substitute (I use Earth Balance!);
  • 1 tbsp. of gluten-free flour (I use Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose Gluten-Free Flour);
  • 3/4 cup of organic unsweetened almond milk (OR any other plant-based milk OR regular full-fat or 2% milk);
  • 3 tbsp. of fresh lemon juice;
  • 100g of organic goat cheese;
  • 4 tbsp. of Parm/Romano or nutritional yeast (I use Bob’s Red Mill Nutritional Yeast & it’s thebomb.com);
  • 2 tbsp. of organic extra-virgin olive oil;
  • 3 tbsp. of pure organic maple syrup;
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder;
  • ½ tsp. of onion powder;
  • ½ tsp. of smoked paprika;
  • ¼ tsp. of dried parsley flakes;
  • ¼ tsp. of freshly ground black pepper;
  • ½ tsp. of organic Himalayan pink sea salt.
    • Honestly, I think at this point, I need to go to SPICES ANONYMOUS. I am FREAKING OBSESSSSSED. It’s not okay.
  • More Parm/Romano or nutritional yeast for topping (SPRINKLE DAT STUFFFFFF – Don’t be scared!!!);
  • OPTIONAL: ¼ tsp. of dried chilli flakes (IF YOU WANT TO ADD SOME SPICE!) or 1/4 tsp. of dried parsley flakes.

OKAY, so you have to admit that, at the sight of this ingredients list, YOU ARE MOST EXCITED ABOUT THE SAUCE. YOU COULD JUST TELL HOW FREAKING CREAMY IT IS GOING TO BE BY THE LOOKS OF THE INGREDIENTS, EH? Guys… it’s as creamy as you think it will be, IF NOT MORE! Anywho lovies, I do not want to make you salivate any longer, I think I’ve teased you for long enough… I’m fair like that & stuff, no? LET ME TELL YOU HOW TO WHIP THIS BABY (Oops, I mean ART) UP.

  • Boil your noodles according to the package directions (ONCE AGAIN, there is no other way to eat pasta than al dentéOnce you go al denté, you will never go back. Once boiled, set aside!
  • In a small skillet, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil over MEDIUM HEAT. Add 2 cloves of garlic & sauté until your kitch smells like GARLIC HEAVEN & you want to devour the skillet, a.k.a. until the garlic & fragrant & browned (This usually takes about 4-5 minutes!).
  • Once browned, add the diced onion & mock crab. Season these babies with some garlic powder, sea salt & freshly ground black pepper & cook and stir THE EFF OUT OF THEM until tender.
  • Once tender, add the chopped kale & Portobello mushrooms to your skillet & SEASON THE EFF OUT OF THEM with some ‘mo salt, pepper, garlic powder & …. SMOKED PAPRIKA!!! (DUH!).

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  • Remove the veggie & crab mixture from the heat & set aside. (Honestly, I cannot begin to explain to you how hard it is to “set the skillet aside” when your kitchen smells THIS DELISH. IT’S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF RESISTANCE TO TEMPTATION, you good?).

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omoom

  • NOW IT’S TIME TO WHIP UP THAT LEMON-Y GOAT CHEESE SAUCE. Dead, you? (P.S. If you thought I was obsessed with ricotta, YOU DON’T KNOW A THING ABOUT MY OBSESSION WITH GOAT CHEESE. IT’S BAD. REAL BAD. GOAT CHEESE ANONYMOUS, DO YOU EXIST? & IF SO, WHERE CAN I FIND YOU?).
    • Melt the BUTTAH (or BUTTAH SUBSTITUTE) in a saucepan & whisk in the flour! Then, whisk in the milk & bring to a slow & steady boil for 1 minute, LETTING THE BEAUTIFULNESS THICKEN.
    • Once the sauce has THICKENED (HOLY EFFF, HELP), whisk in the lemon juice, goat cheese, Parm/Romano/nutritional yeast, olive oil, maple syrup & ALL ‘DEM SPICES (They are listed above, so do not be lazy. KAY? Thanks!!!!). WHISK THE EFF OUT OF THIS BEAUTY UNTIL FULLY COMBINED & SMOOTH AF.
  • Now, for the moment when THIS BABE OF A RECIPE comes together (AND you essentially DIE & GO TO HEAVEN)… Combine your AL DENTÉ (It sure as hell better be!!!!) pasta with your veggie & crab mixture & TOSS ALL THIS WONDERFULNESS in the smooth-creamy-rich-I-want-you-forever-&-ever Lemon-y Goat Cheese sauce & heat in a skillet over MEDIUM-LOW for 2 minutes et VOILÁ!!!!

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  • Sprinkle your ARTWORK (Can I have your autograph, please?) with SOME DRIED PARSLEY FLAKES, SOME EXTRA PARM/ROMANO OR NUTRITIONAL YEAST (or all of the above – NOT JUDGING YOU!) & some chilli flakes to add some spiciness to this baby.
  • DEVOUR THE EFF OUT OF THIS BABY. NOMZ FOR DAYZ, YOU? (P.S. Did you rub the sauce all over your face? I did, SO LIKE… #guiltyascharged. NO SHAME. GOING TO WASH MY FACE. BYE!).

OH RIGHT, FOOD PORN!!!!!

nonono

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BON APPÉTIT LES AMOURS! <3 <3 <3 xoxo!



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