UH WOAH. Sorry lovies, I had to catch my breath for a sec! These babies had me OUT. OF. BREATH., literally!!!!! Happy (almost) No-Carb-Eating-Shoot-Me-In-The-Head-I-Miss-You-Carbs a.k.a. Happy (almost) Passover. These beauties should seriously be illegal, BUT THEY AIN’T (Thank you G-d, we really are the “chosen” ones #datjewlife). MY LOVES, good morning btw. Whipped these up at 6:07AM, waddup?
GUYS, I present you with my Beautiful Chocolate Covered Matzah Topped with Fresh, Crisp & Sweet AF Strawberries & Homemade Honey Roasted Peanuts a.k.a. Chocolate-Covered-Crack a.k.a. Peace-Out-Carbs-It’s-Been-Real (OMG, just drooled writing that… No, but like actually drooled all over my phone. EW. T.M.I.!!!) will have you FORGET ALL ABOUT CARBS THIS PASSOVER (PEACE OUT CARBS, IT’S BEEN REAL). BUT, on one condition: Make sure you always have some of this crack… I mean… chocolate matzah bark AVAILABLE because when you start to miss carbs, you will cry, you will need comfort food ASAP & you will not have the energy or patience to make these babies in all your sadness. SO MAKE ‘EM IN BIG BATCHES, OKAY?? No, but really guys, how effing delicious does this look? If you like chocolate covered strawberries (BTW, Godiva, who? IT’S ALL ABOUT KELLY IN THE KITCH!!! I did not just promote my blog, no, not at all, not in any way, shape or form), this Passover treat is guaranteed to make you fly off the walls, oops I meant MELT.
(P.S. WARNING: Give this to your kiddies in large amounts & they will literally be flying off the walls, so keep the majority of the batch to yourselves. I mean… lez be honest, you were going to do that anyways!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ALL FURTHER LIABILITY ON MY PART IS DENIED).
ANYWHO, in honour of the first day of NO-CARB-HELL, oops, I meant Passover, here is the list of ingredients you need to whip up this beautifulness. I figured I would try to limit the rambling so that you lovies can whip these up before the Seder rush starts (If it didn’t already!!!):
- 3-4 matzahs, cracked (NO PUN INTENDED). GUYS, you decide the size of the pieces… but keep in mind, the size of the pieces determines HOW MUCH of this crack you will eat at a time, so be mindful! No… don’t be mindful. Who the EFF cares. This stuff is heaven. Eat it in large quantities. Savour it. Enjoy it. NOURISH YOUR BODIES. That’s what life is all about J;
- LOADS of baking chocolate, MELTED… ZOMFG, am I the only one who literally MELTS (ANOTHER NO PUN INTENDED) when I fold my spatula through the melted chocolate as soon as it comes out of the microwave? Like… I can’t even. It’s just such a beautiful sight. OH & don’t get me started about the smell… that’s a whole other ball game;
- LOADS of THINLY (Your fave! #nonetflixforyouglencoco #noexcusetobelazy #sorrynotsorry) sliced strawberries;
- LOADS of roasted salted/unsalted peanuts (That part is totz. up to you!). Also, if you don’t have peanuts or aren’t a fan (I don’t like you anymore. I am judging you.), pecans, walnuts or thinly sliced almonds will work great here too!;
- ¼ cup of honey;
- 3 tbsp. of butter (Why, hello there beauty!);
- Organic Himalayan pink sea salt;
THAT’S ALL MY LOVES. Can you believe that this wonderfulness is concocted with just these few simple ingredients? P.S. Notice how excited I am about this recipe that I did not even measure quantities for ANYTHING (except the matzah, the honey & butter… FINE, FINE. But lez be honest, if I hadn’t measured the butter, things could’ve gotten out of hand, if you know what I mean…) because I just wanted to whip these babies up & get munching! Like I came up with the recipe last night & was fantasizing about it until I went to bed, then I dreamt about it… then, this morning my alarm rang… I JUMPED out of bed… AND MY TO-DO LIST BEGAN WITH THIS. Kay, rant over.
OK, so now you’re probs wondering 1) How on earth did she have the energy to make this at 6:07AM?? Is she insane? Or simply Superwoman? (I’M SUPERWOMAN!); and 2) Given that she did, is she ever going to tell us how to make it? Or is she just going to keep rambling? FINE. I’M DONE RAMBLING. Here’s how to whip these babies up (in like, NO TIME, by the way!):
- Preheat your oven to 350F;
- Heat the butter & honey together, in the microwave or on your stovetop & stir well!;
- Toss the butter & honey mixture (ZOMFG, you so beautiful) with the peanuts. Guys, this sight… this smell… PLEASE DON’T EAT THE PEANUTS YET. You need them for later!!! (Or just make extra, munch on some now & keep some for later – SEE HOW EFFICIENT ONE CAN BE IF THEY LISTEN TO KELLY IN THE KITCH?);
- Spread the peanuts on a baking sheet and bake at 350F for 5-10 minutes (Told you it was a quickie!!!). After the first five minutes, make sure to check on them & stir every 1-2 minutes until they are golden brown (Yes, this means that Netflix binge is on pause & it means you need to WATCH YOUR PEANUTS. LOVE YOUR PEANUTS. CARE FOR YOUR PEANUTS. THEY DESERVE IT);
- While the peanuts are in the oven (a.k.a. While the peanuts are tempting you with the smell they are bringing to your kitchen), CRACK DAT MATZAH (Remember what I told you guys about the size of the pieces… okay?) & slice your strawberries (I SAID TO DO IT THINLY, SO DO IT THINLY, Kthx);
- Remove the peanuts from the oven, stir them a bit & let them cool for 5-10 minutes until they no longer stick together (Your butter & honey glaze, OMG… just the sound of that… will thicken, darken and harden!);
- Sprinkle the peanuts with the sea salt (ZOMFG. Think sea salt + caramel + DIE…) & chop up the peanuts;
- Line two plates or baking sheets with parchment paper (These will be used to lay your chocolate covered CRACK & refrigerate, SO KEEP THIS IN MIND & MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ROOM IN YOUR FRIDGES);
- BEST. PART. EVER. – Put your baking chocolate in a heatproof bowl (Guys, this is super important, like I am not taking responsibility for you burning your house down if you put a non-microwave-friendly bowl in your microwave… SHOULDN’T YOU KNOW BETTER? C’MON) & MELT AWAY. I put it for a minute at a time so that the chocolate doesn’t burn (Because I will literally cry if I waste chocolate… not only do I HATE wasting food, but wasting chocolate… The thought breaks my little heart). Keep doing this until you achieve the perfectly smooth consistency & texture. If the chocolate has begun to form little chunks, IT MEANS YOU BURNT IT & YOU FAILED.
- Once the chocolate is melted, dip your CRACKED MATZAH into the chocolate & coat both sides evenly (Do not, I repeat, do not make one side jealous of the other. Both sides deserve an equal amount of LOVE, a.k.a. an equal amount of CHOCOLATE, okay? Got me?). Top each piece of cracked matzah with some sliced strawberries & then drizzle some honey-roasted peanuts over the strawberries & lightly press them into the melted chocolate! PROCEED TO DO THIS UNTIL THERE IS NO MORE MATZAH, NO MORE CHOCOLATE, NO MORE STRAWBERRIES & NO MORE PEANUTS or… JUST GET SOME ‘MO INGREDIENTS & REPEAT THE PROCESS;
- Refrigerate your CHOCOLATE CRACK for at least an hour before devouring (I’ll be honest with you guys, I really doubt this step is going to happen for most, if not any, of you…& you know what? I DO NOT BLAME YOU. THIS STEP WAS UNHEARD OF FOR ME. UNHEARD OF, my loves. Who in their right mind can resist eating this right away? If you tell me that you resisted, you’re lying & we can no longer be friends. That makes one less friend for me. Oh well.
- If (KEYWORD: IF) you make it past the refrigeration step, congrats!!!!! (Or, in the spirit of Passover, shall I say MAZAL TOV???). NOW YOU CAN DEVOUR… OH & THEN, MAKE ANOTHER BATCH (Because the kiddies are crying ‘cause you didn’t save them any… #selfishparentFTW).
OH & HERE ARE PICTURES OF THE BEAUTIFULNESS THAT IS THIS CHOCOLATE CRACK!!!!! DIE.
Enjoy my love bugs!!! There’s a lot more where these came from so KEEP THEM TUMMIES HUNGRY!! Bisous!! <3