Morning mes amours!! To start off your day, I present you with this Flourless Chocolate Cake a.k.a. The-Answer-To-All-Your-Chocolate Prayers (GUYS, DILLEMA: I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE picking between these two names: “The-Answer-to-all-your-Chocolate-Prayers & “A Chocolate Lover’s Dream Come True”. I went with the first ‘cause it just sounded better, right? BUT, I WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY A CHOCOLATE LOVER’S DREAM TOO. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t tell you. KAY, I’m done). No but seriously, BABY (Yes, I am talking to the cake, in case you didn’t realize), WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?
Since this baby became an instant fave, I am sure you assume by now that this means I have made it a couple of times already… (If I told you it was a couple, a.k.a. two, I’d be lying you guys. I’ve made it like five times already. HOUSTON, WE GOT A PROBLEM). Having made this cake five times, you all know what that entails, right? It means I’ve TWEAKED THE CR*P OUT OF IT, which also means that although it was the definition of BLISS the first time, now it has achieved PURE BLISS STATUS, ergo the reason I shared it with you babes this morning (and chose to start your day with it – YOU ALL DESERVE TO WAKE UP SMILING).
As I told you guys on Instagram, this babe was born after a one-night-stand with black beans (BAHAHAHA I’m freaking hilarious). Then, I decided I wanted to take it to the next level with this babe, so I met with her a few more times & tweaked her until she was perfect & NOW, I CAN FINALLY COME OUT & SHARE THE NEWS PUBLICLY, WE ARE OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL A.K.A. FINALLY DATING.
NO BUT SERIOUSLY, despite the one-night-stand (for which I am not ashamed, NOT EVEN A BIT), I had heard a lot about baking with black beans, lez be honest, that sounds weird as hell! Right? BUT THEN, that moment we all know all too well… THAT CHOCOLATE BROWNIE GOODNESS CRAVING HIT & I decided to give it a shot (And as a close runner-up to CHOOSING RECOVERY, this is the BEST. CHOICE. I. HAVE. EVER. MADE). Guys, I can’t describe to you the smell in my kitchen when this baby was baking for the first time. I JUST WANTED TO OPEN MY OVEN, BURN MYSELF & DEVOUR THE CAKE, no matter how baked it was… the temptation was REAL BAD. REAL FREAKING BAD, but I resisted. YOU CAN DO IT TOO, but you may need to leave your kitch (I warned you).
Ok, so what is this cake exactly? IT’S COMPLETELY FLOURLESS (In case you did not read the title or catch my drift yet). It contains NO DAIRY & WAIT FOR IT…. 95g of this babe will provide you with only 2g of fat, 7 WHOLE GRAMS OF PROTEIN (Thank you black beans, I love you. Can we be best friends forever? Even though you were just a one-night-stand, I want to take things to the next step), A WHOPPING 8G OF FIBRE (Thank you again black beans, you are so awesome. You will thank me for this one, babes. You know what they say about DEM BEANS…). LIFE JUST GOT SO MUCH BETTER. RIGHT? You would NEVER EVER EVER EVER get this perfect nutritional value from store-bought brownies. I AM READY TO GUARANTEE IT (& us lawyers do not do that very often, as you know). Guys, in a nutshell (NO, the brownies do not contain nuts either, so they’re super kid-friendly a.k.a. you can pack these in your kiddies’ lunchboxes without having the lunch lady call you in frustration. HOW AMAZING AM I?). OH OH OH & lastly, THESE ARE SO EASY TO MAKE. They almost give you a reason to be lazy.
ALL THIS TO SAY, THIS ONE TAKE’S THE CAKE (No pun intended) for my All-Time-Fave-Ultimate-Go-To-Can-I-Have-Another-Slice-Please-Chocolate-Cake!!!!!!! It will become yours too, trust me. Seriously though, if you’re going to continue following my recipes, you will need to develop a great degree of trust in me. I would never lie to you people. All I want to do is FEED YOU YUMMY FOOD & NOURISH YOUR BODIES. Love you guys, really, truly, madly, deeply (BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE CHOCOLATE CAKE #sorrynotsorry).
After tweaking this babe a few times, HERE IS THE FINAL LIST OF PERFECT INGREDIENTS YOU WILL NEED (If your cake does not come out perfect, you got distracted. You forgot one of the ingredients. And, we can no longer be friends):
- One 15 oz. can of black beans, DRAINED & RINSED (Nobody likes soggy cake. Nobody wants black bean juice in his or her cakes. So, please, DRAIN & RINSE YOUR BEANS. Yes, it’s an extra step, but it’s so worth it. Promise). I use Bioitalia Organic Black Beans;
- ½ cup of unsweetened (PREFERABLY, FAIR TRADE) organic cocoa powder (I use either Cuisine Camino or Organic Traditions);
- 2 eggs (OH EGGS, I LOVE YOU. You make my cake so moist);
- 1/3 cup of vegan butter (I use Earth Balance brand). GUYS, I PERMIT YOU TO USE REGULAR BUTTER HERE, but keep in mind that this means that the cake is no longer dairy-free… just thought I’d throw that in there in case your head was in the clouds fantasizing about this goodness. See how sweet I am? You can also replace the butter with canola or vegetable oil, but personally, I totz. prefer the result of butters in baking. ONCE AGAIN, YOU NEED TO TRUST ME. I haven’t given you a reason not to yet, right? I deserve the benefit of the doubt, kthx;
- ¼ cup of coconut sugar, or other natural sweetener of your choice (LET YOUR BEAUTIFUL MINDS RUN WILD). You can use brown, coconut, organic cane sugar or date sugar);
- 1 ½ tsp. of baking powder;
- 1 tsp. of pure organic vanilla extract (I use Simply Organic. Hi baby);
- ¼ tsp. of salt.
- ¼ cup of mini 100% cocoa dark chocolate chips (OK. This is also what makes the recipe dairy free & I muz be honest, these are obvi not the best tasting chocolate chips when you compare them to milk or semi-sweet chocolate chips, OR OMG, THE BUTTERSCOTCH OR REESE’S ONES. GAH. Anyway, if you don’t have dairy concerns and do not have a care in the world if this babe is full of dairy, then please, substitute these 100% cocoa chips & stop trying to be healthy. KAY?);
Ok, I know, I ramble. BUT AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW WHAT’S IN THIS BABY. Now, I obvi need to tell you guys how to make her, because I don’t think you guys could wing it, could you? If you could, would that imply a house on fire? I’m not sure. So, just in case, since I am very careful about any & all liability I take on, LET ME TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE THIS THE RIGHT WAY (It’s so easy, it’s scary):
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees & line a 9” round cake pan with foil. GENEROUSLY, yes, I said GENEROUSLY (Do you want to have problems lifting your babe out of the cake pan later? Didn’t think so. You will regret it. So listen to me & spray away!!!);
- Place all your ingredients, EXCEPT THE BEAUTIFUL CHOCOLATE CHIPS (& I hope you chose some of my alternative suggestions) in a FOOD PROCESSOR (a.k.a. your excuse to be lazy forever & ever & ever). PURÉE IT ALL UNTIL COMPLETELY SMOOTH, UNIFORM, CREAMY, PERFECT, THICK, ZOMFG. BRB DROOLING.
- Fold in one tablespoon of the chocolate chips. This means, do not pour the mixture into the baking pan just yet. Add the chocolate chips TO THE FOOD PROCESSOR, and use your trusty spatula to spread them into the batter. SEE HOW I DEFINE EVERYTHING FOR YOU GUYS? IS ANYBODY AS CONSCIOUS OF YOUR NEEDS? DIdn’t think so.
- NOW NOW NOW, SPREAD THE MIXTURE INTO THE BAKING PAN & SMOOTH OUT THE TOP. Guys, already, the smell will make you MELT. You will watch this baby pour into the baking pan & you will literally almost die. I couldn’t even.
- EVENLY, yes, don’t make one side of your cake more jealous of the other, okay? TOP THE CAKE WITH THE REMAINING CHOCOLATE CHIPS & lightly press those cuties into your batter.
- BAKE THIS BABY!!!!! (Until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out mostly clean). This should take 35-40 minutes. I always bake her for 35 minutes, then check on her (cause I love her & care about her until death do us part, seriously) & generally, I’ll add another 2-3 minutes, AND SHE IS PERFECTTTTTT.
- Let her cool in the baking pan for at least an hour. Guys, she deserves to cool off after the one-night-stand, then you can talk to her about the serious stuff, i.e. taking things to the next level. Please don’t put pressure on her. Don’t try to push her out of the pan. SHE WILL BREAK DOWN.
- ONCE COOLED, SLICE HER UP!!!!!
- DEVOUR. LICK YOUR PLATE. DEVOUR AGAIN. ASK FOR MORE. CRY BECAUSE THERE IS NO MORE. SALIVATE. FANTASIZE ABOUT THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE MAKING THIS BABE (Admit it. Your ingredients were still on the counter so you just got up to make a second one. Don’t lie to me. I hate liars!).
- JUST IN CASE: Refrigerate your leftovers. I honestly don’t even know why I added this step… THERE WILL BE NO LEFTOVERS. You will finish this batch & already be in the process of making another one before you can even open the fridge…
OKAY, I NEED FEEDBACK PEOPLE. I want to know what you thought of this baby. Please. Keep me in the loop, it’s only fair. LOOK WHAT I DO FOR YOU. Your baby should look like this after the one-night-stand (Have you ever seen ANYBODY & I MEAN ANYBODY, look this perfect POST one-night-stand? Uh, didn’t think so & if you say YES, you’re pretty DARN LUCKY, but you’re also lying). P.S. If your cake doesn’t look like this, you can go cry in a corner now. There’s nothing I can do for you (But, since I’m so nice, if you want, I’ll come over next time you make it… THERE IS HOPE FOR HELP PEOPLE, JUST ASK FOR IT!).
OH & if you are still weirded out about baking with black beans, YOU’RE INSANE. YOU DON’T TASTE THEM, NOT EVEN ONE BIT. SWEAR. Plus, even if you did, who cares? BLACK BEANS ARE SO GOOD (PLUS, the after-effect is just marvellous. WHAT DO I MEAN, YOU ASK? Hint: FIBRE, FIBRE, FIBRE & MORE FIBRE). If you don’t get it… well, I don’t wanna be reproached for giving TMI, so figure it out!
Enjoy mes amours!!!! <3 Love always. P.S. I have made the world a better place by improvising this babe. Tap me on the shoulder, please.